


Intentions of Time

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, POV Alternating, Time Travel, Yaoi, by 0083
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 15:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13527078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by 0083serious, major, outrageous angst. death (though not technically deathfic), angst!





	1. The Future

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

_First thing I see is blood. It is on the walls, the floors, on the curtains that we picked out last week. The dark red staining every imaginable surface of our usually pristine house is a shock to my system, more so than where the blood may have come from in the first place. This is not the scene I expected when I opened the door to our house not a minute ago, ready to shout out 'I'm home' and run for a hug. No. This is an unreal scene of absolute horror and disbelief, a frozen tableau of the terrible. Blood. So much blood. How can a human body spill so much of it? How can a human being paint the walls with it with such precision and care? How can I possibly live my life now that his blood is the only thing I can smell?_  
  
Duo shook himself awake from the light stupor his nap had caused. He had dreamt of that day again. The day filled with blood, with Heero's blood. Even twenty years later, the dream still made him cry, shudder in agony and despair. Duo shook his head and allowed the droplets of tears and sweat on his hair fly about him in a chaotic dance. It was almost time for yet another debriefing, a meeting filled with politicians and soldiers. He could not be more uninterested, but it was his duty as the top defender of the earth sphere to be present. Duo laughed harshly at the thought of his role in the twisted world created by terror and tenuous sanity. This was not the world he had imagined when he had been a gundam pilot. This world was not something anyone could have imagined back then. Not in those times of innocence. Clearing his forehead of the residual moisture, Duo put on his formal jacket and tie with practiced ease. His long brown braid was carefully redone and tied off with a cobalt blue ribbon. The image on the mirror smiled, saluted and walked off the surface when the owner stepped out of the room. Another meeting, another day. But then again, at least they were alive for these boring, tedious moments.  
  
Duo listened only with half an ear as some general rattled off the figures for the next month's rations to the citizenry. As of late, more and more food had to be regulated due to severe weather anomalies within the temperate regions. If the strange weather patterns persisted, then the entire globe populace would have only hydroponics plants and indoor grazing animals as sources of food. Rationing would become tighter, people would suffer more and riots would break out. It was not a pretty scenario they faced with the weather and Duo probably should have paid attention to the details, but his mind was still drifting back into the dream. A moment later, Quatre gently nudged him with his foot to bring him back into the present.  
  
"First Talent, I believe that is our greatest concern at the moment."  
  
Unfortunately, Duo had no idea what the general was talking about since he had not paid attention at all to the last parts of his report. Thankfully, Quatre jumped in with thanks and platitudes about a great job done in the face of obstacles. Duo controlled the twitch in his jaw with an effort – Quatre would yell at him later for not paying attention. Again. But these things were so boring. For his part, Duo would rather have been out there in space fighting the Mission.  
  
_I know that the world is doomed. The only thing we have left now is the earth, all the colonies blown into tiny space particles ages ago. We are desperately fighting, but there aren't enough Talents to repel the goddamned Mission. Only if we had more of us, then we would have a hell of a good chance of keeping those bastards out! But there is only three, me included, and we are just barely defending the planet. More people than I can count are dead or worse. So many lost and still more to come. I'm the strongest, but even I can't fight by myself. I'm the First Talent, for the love of god! I should be defending the last haven of humanity, but no, I'm being overrun by the Mission. Damn the Mission. If only I had a plan. If only I had more power. If only I had Heero._  
  
The steady tapping of a booted foot was the only sound in the room. Its staccato grated on Duo's nerves, but he sat in his plush chair and took the silent treatment. Quatre was still fuming from his lack of attention at the meeting and Relena was busy reading some stupid report. Duo tactfully contained a snort. Those two were his best friends, but they could make him annoyed faster than anyone else.  
  
"That was a very important meeting, Duo."  
  
Somehow, Duo managed to look apologetic at Quatre's admonishing tone. The faster he apologized, the faster he could get them out of his living space and on with his life.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Quatre. I don't know what got into me."  
  
"Please, Duo, don't patronize me," Quatre continued relentlessly, "because I know you aren't sorry. You never pay attention. You never care enough to listen. Tedium comes with leadership and you aren't dealing with it."  
  
The fire of anger that Duo had contained so well burst forth.  
  
"Fuck off, Quat. I'm not a leader and you know it. I'm just the First Talent. I'm a frigging defense system."  
  
Duo immediately regretted his harsh words when he caught sight of Quatre's hurt eyes. The usually lucid blue green darkened to a shade of deep ocean blue and his lips turned downwards . And the worst part was, he had truly intended to apologize and mean it, not turn on his best friend in anger and hurt his feelings. Luckily, Relena intervened with gentle words and understanding.  
  
"Quatre, Duo doesn't mean it. You know that. He has had a hard year, filled with stress we can't comprehend. Neither of us can know the strain the Talents are under, especially Duo."  
  
Duo smiled gratefully in Relena's direction and received a rare smile from her as a reward. Without either of them, Duo would be lost. He would not care to live.  
  
"I'm sorry to be snippy, Duo," Quatre said gently after wiping the hurt out of his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry I yelled. I didn't mean it."  
  
A few more apologies and nods later, the small spat was over. It was like that these days. There was so much tension everywhere that everyone snapped at the drop of a hat. The earth, though safe from the Mission for the time being, was under food and water shortages. People were dying by the droves and those who weren't dying were starving and miserable.  
  
"I just wish it was over, Quat. I just want the Mission to attack so I can do what I'm supposed to do. I'm not supposed to be in meetings, Quat. Relena and you are in charge of earth's politics and governing. I'm the weapon. Me and the Six."  
  
"But Duo, the Mission hasn't attacked in months. They are silent enough now so we should concentrate on getting the earth back on its feet. We'd have a better chance when they attack next if everyone was healthy."  
  
Logical, yes. Possible, maybe. But still.  
  
_The police had been replaced by the Preventers in the investigation, but I don't really know what's going on. It has been a few hours since I found Heero's blood on the walls, since I found his body. I can't think of that now, I'd go crazy. It wasn't even recognizable. I don't even know if there was enough of him left for me to bury. Strangely, my eyes are dry and my voice is working. I'm giving my eye witness account of this day, everything from how I got into town after a long business trip, the boring drive home, my anticipation at seeing my lover again. I sound so far away to me, so emotionless and calm. But I'm screaming so loudly in my head that it's a wonder the Preventer kid taking this info down isn't hearing it. I keep telling the story while my outer voice is drowned out by the wailing within my mind. Heero. Heero. Heero. I can't say how long this lasts, because all of a sudden, my vision is filled with concerned eyes. Brown, soft and sad. Wufei. I've never seen him look so defeated, so sad. I can see Quatre, too. His blue-green eyes are watery and red from all the crying he must have done. He is also looking at me with grief filled eyes. And Trowa. So much emotion in his visible green eye. Sympathy, sadness, pain, loss. When did I see him last with so much emotion so plainly visible? A hand on my shoulder. Polished, smooth and white. Relena. I know if I turn my head and look at her, I will see myself reflected in her blue eyes. Next to me, she was the one whom Heero loved most. I was the first in his heart. Loved? Was? Am I really thinking in past tense? Already? So soon? To my horror, the world blurs and fades into a watery mess. My eyes, they must be filling with tears I could not shed. They must know the pain of my heart better than my stupid, numb brain. Drip. I feel a tear soaking into my black pants. Heero loved these pants. Drip. Another tear onto the pants. Drip. Drip. Drip. And I cry. I slump forwards on the green grass of our immaculate lawn. The lawn Heero and I had argued over mowing a week ago. The lawn that I pulled dandelions out of while cursing Heero's insistence at ridding our grassy field of infectious weeds. Oh god. Heero. And the tears keep coming and coming. I won't stop crying, not ever._  
  
One final strike was all that would be needed to either defeat the Mission or be defeated by them. Duo waited for that day, the day when he could finally go out and show the Mission how he had grown in power so rapidly in the last few months. He had a score to settle with them, like everyone else on the earth, but unlike them, he was capable of the vengeance. He scoffed at the frightened earth council that forbade him and the Six from a preemptive strike. They were afraid of losing so much that they held him back from going out after the Mission. They were too busy imagining 'what-ifs' to know that whoever started the next battle, whether it be him or the Mission, it would be the end. The war would end. But he could not argue against them, go against their wishes. He could not endanger the already shaky earth government by rebelling. It was his duty as the First Talent, as the most revered and legendary human being, to follow the wishes of the government. He had to show the people that they could put trust into the government. After all, what was the point of winning against the Mission if the earth self-destructed afterwards from the discord? So he contented himself by making fun of the earth leaders privately in his mind and setting up battle plans for the eventual conflict. He needed perfection if they were to win this war waged upon them by the Mission nearly twenty years ago. There were only seven of them who could stand up against the Mission. No human weapon harmed the Mission as they had found out so painfully. Only those with the Talent were capable of causing damage to the Mission's space fortress or their ships of destruction. He was the greatest asset with his enormous flow of power. The Six were competent and necessary, but even if the Six combined, they could not match him in sheer power.  
  
Duo planned and replanned, determined that everything about the final battle would work out in their best interest. He was the last hope for humanity, as funny as that sounded. He had fought for peace with Deathscythe in the past. Now he fought with the Talent which was rare and frightening, much like his past metal partner had been. He was a soldier, a weapon, a measure of hope. The burden weighed heavily on him.  
  
_The fever is bad and my condition is getting worse. I know this because Trowa is sitting by my bedside with worry written so visibly on his face. He has seen me with life threatening wounds during the war and never did twitch a muscle in concern. But here he is now, replacing the cool compress on my forehead with a fresh one, looking like he's about to lose his favorite puppy. Sally told me before I got too damned delirious to understand, that probably the stress and shock resulting from Heero's murder caused me to develop the fever. After all, it was only a few hours after I found Heero that the fever began, somewhere in the middle of my never-ending tears. So here I am, laying on a bed that belongs in Quatre's large home, my guts trying to gnaw their way out of my stomach and the fever cooking my brain like a Christmas roast. I wonder if I'm going to die and the prospect isn't so grim. Heero is dead. If I died now, I might find him again. Why should I live when he is gone? What reason can I find within myself to continue without him? The questions flit through my head at a whirlwind speed, each more depressing than the last, each question spiraling me towards giving up on life. The fever is getting so bad that I'm tossed into an ice bath every two hours. My body is giving out and I can no longer eat food. Why live? This is my second week in bed and recovery is nowhere in sight. If there was a possibility that I could pull through, then Quatre would not look so broken. Relena wouldn't show up every evening to chat with me. Wufei would not bring me my favorite foods to induce me to eat. It is like all my friends are getting ready to say goodbye to me, a chance they never had with Heero. The chance I never had with Heero. What I wouldn't give to have said goodbye, to tell him one final time that I love him with all my heart, that I would forever be watching out for his shadow in the crowd. If I could not save him, I just wanted a chance to say all those things. God, my mind is moving too fast and too sluggish at the same time. All the thoughts are jumbling together and I'm getting confused. I can't stand this much longer. Death would be a welcome reprieve from this hell that I've been plunged into without mercy. I try to focus on one thought. I want to be thinking about Heero when I die. He should be my last thought. I wonder, was I his last thought? What did he see last when he died? My face? The killer? I can't dwell too long on that. I want to remember Heero when he smiled, laughed, teased, anything and everything but the gory scene I found. Heero, should I live? Should I go on without you? Strange thoughts when I'm preparing to die. But they come anyway. Would I be betraying you if I lived? Would I make you sad if the pain of loss became less with each passing moment? Would I feel guilty if I laughed again? Heero, tell me, please. Can I? May I?_  
  
The reports were coming in at an alarming rate, each stack of paper marked with a glaring 'urgent' stamp. The Mission Observation Post was going nuts, Duo decided. All of a sudden, after months of quiet, the MOP was sending reports to him like there was no tomorrow. In the past, the reports consisted of Mission movements, the energy level of the space fortress and the calculated numbers of the ships launched by them. Duo could only figure that the Mission was on the move again and the MOP, in a fit of excitement, was putting out reports to reassert their importance in the world. Hence, he had not even cracked the seal on the reports yet. He could not care less what the Mission was doing unless it was an attack. Using his Talent and the Six, he could figure out the Mission's movements better than the MOP working at full capacity. He could find the camouflaged ships in space with his Talent while the MOP could not even build a machine to find all the visible ones. The MOP was originally created so that the common people felt like they were in the war, helping out with saving the human race and its ancestral home. In reality, they did nothing important. The Mission and everything associated with it was handled by Duo and the Six, from their movements to battle plans to evacuation procedures if they failed. However, if the MOP was going crazy, then the Mission was moving enough to alert the common man. With a sigh of anticipation, Duo called to the Six with his Talent.  
  
'Get in my office, now. Something's up.'  
  
The Six responded with alacrity, materializing in his office less than half a second after he had sent out his command. Only the Fourth was slightly late in materializing, her hair still wet and dripping soapy water. Duo could only assume that she barely managed to wrap the bathrobe around her before zapping into his office.  
  
"Glad to see the response time is tremendously short. So, you all got MOP's ranting reports as well, I assume."  
  
Six nods, six confirmations.  
  
"So I guess we should take a look and see what got them all excited."  
  
Duo unleashed the cap on his Talent and let it soar upwards into the heavens. He felt the others do the same, each power searching, probing, discovering. Duo scanned the space with his Talent and much to his surprise, picked up various movements. The facial expressions on the Six only confirmed his findings. He continued to search and gather information, keeping his eyes on the Six. His Talent picked up about forty thousand warships on the move. Forty thousand. The Mission was definitely gearing up for something since most of the ships were camouflaged and heavily armed. The space fortress was gathering energy, too. He could feel the massive power coalescing inside the fortress, as if it was getting ready for the final hoorah. Duo made quick calculations with his mind and figured the Mission would attack full out in about a week or so. He would have to consult the Second, of course, since he was the numbers guy. He would know exactly how much time they had and how much fire power the Mission would have by that time. Duo also reminded himself to talk to the Sixth, for she was the key coordinator of tactics and her brilliant strategic mind would come up with battle plans to augment his own. The Third would have to fuse his power with his lover, the Fourth, and become the barrier reinforcement when the time came. The Fifth would be the last line of defense, Seventh by his side as always. Oh god, the time was coming. And so soon. He almost cursed himself for wishing for the final battle so fervently.  


_We found the seventh Talent today. She is but a child, a thirteen year old girl with hazel eyes and cropped brown hair. Finally, after three years since the war began, we had enough power to repel the Mission. The seventh Talent assured that much, at least. She was the key to our stalemate. I can still remember when it was just me, barely a year after Heero's death. After I somehow got through the fever and my utter lack of will to live, I had found that I was Talented. Of course, that word did not exist back then, but still. I was the first. The first with the power. When I discovered it, I told no one, fearing their reactions, afraid of the power. But here we are, three years later, and there are seven of us. I am the First. I am the one who saved the planet from destruction when the Mission first came. I remember that day. Everyone does. It was a cloudy day for me, about noon or so. I think it was a Tuesday. The skies became dark and then there were explosions. Massive flames and huge craters left in their wake. Hell did come to earth. The Preventers sent out every man and woman on duty who could pick up a gun out into space to face the horrible attack only to find that the colonies had been blown apart already. Billions of casualties and the war had been only a few hours old then. And within thirty minutes, every single ship sent by the Preventers was gone, reduced to scrap metal and cinders by the attacking force. The bombardment on the earth continued after that, each blow taking hundreds of thousands of lives at once. I fully believe that on that day, we lost three fourth of the human race. And it was then that I unleashed everything I had within me and repulsed the attacks. My Talent flowed through me, pouring outward in uncontrollable spasms, reflecting shots that was on the other side of the earth, blasting the ships out of the sky with barely a thought. The attacks stopped after several hours of me fighting against them. And that was when what was left of the earth government and the Preventers assembled together and discovered that it was me, only me, that had stopped the complete annihilation. That was when I was dubbed the First Talent. That was when I became the vessel of hope for every single living creature on the face of the earth. I was barely defending then, always overrun by the numbers. Within a month, we found two more Talents, not as powerful, but just as needed. The three of us fended off the attacks, put up barriers around the earth. But we were getting tired. Then slowly, we found the others and a measure of relief. When I found the Second, completely by accident, I was relieved to share my burden. He was a twenty year old man, only two years younger than me. But he seemed so young, so childish. Couple of weeks fighting by my side changed that. His innocent face became battle hardened and sharp within moments. I did not mourn his loss, no more than he did. Then the Third. A young man of eighteen. Full of fear and cowardly motives. We changed that in him, too. Now, three years later, he is one of the most courageous people I know. Then over the three years before finding the Seventh, there came the Fourth, a beautiful woman who had been a model. She and the Third became lovers quickly. The Fifth, a battle hardened former Oz soldier who had a soft spot for children. The Sixth, a brilliant economist who lost her family and all her friends in one swift attack. And finally, we have the Seventh. She has attached herself rather firmly to the Fifth, looking to him like a father figure. She needs it, really. She's only thirteen and an orphan. I know how she feels, alone in the world, forced to fight a war. But we need her. Now, we can call a stalemate. Never a truce, but a wary cease fire while we test each other out in our new capacities. God, I wish it was over._  
  
The Talents stood in a circle, an intense look of concentration and pain on their faces. They were alone, standing atop the majestic mountain called K2, a mountain that the human race had conquered with grit and determination hundreds of years ago. They were surrounded by snow and an eerie quietude that did not match the intensity of war going on in space. A few hours ago, Duo had sent out orders for everyone on earth to go into their bombardment shelters and take cover. Everyone, save him and the Six, were underground, hoping against hope that when they emerged, the world would be safe. They would try their best to make the world's dream come true. So here they were, on top of a mountain, letting their Talents rage and merge in a deadly dance for victory. Duo did not notice the drip of perspiration as his Talent wiped out thousands of ships in space with one swipe. He barely paid attention to the work of the others, too busy with his own part in the war. He felt the comforting presence of the Fifth and the Seventh's power merged into a barrier around the earth, repelling direct attacks and invasions into the atmosphere. His Talent brushed lightly against the Sixth's intense attack upon the space fortress. His mind's eyes saw the Second and the Third systematically destroy ships within their assigned quadrant. His body rejuvenated when the Fourth infused him with her own power to keep him going. The battle raged and the Mission took heavy losses. But the energy core within the fortress was still intact, still gathering more power. In five minutes, whether or not each were done with their quadrants, all seven would gather together their power and send one, final massive attack into the Mission's space fortress. It would either win the war or lose it. Five minutes until the end of the world as they knew it. Five minutes could run so slowly.  
  
_Today is the anniversary of the Mission attack. It is the nineteenth anniversary of the day when everything changed for the worst. But I'm still here, as are the others, living, breathing, surviving. The cease fire is at its fifteenth year, each side only attacking every other week or so without heavy damage to either side. My power is still growing and I know I have not reached the limits of what my Talent can do. Not by far. I will win this war one day soon, for humanity, for me. And in a way, for Heero. Heero would not have wanted to see the world he fought so hard for come to this. He could not have stood by idle while I cast myself into the front lines every day. At least, he is at peace. I must believe that. Quatre looks a bit more somber today than usual. He's probably recalling how Trowa died ten years ago in an attack that I could not fully repel. That was my mistake, my fault. That was the day that Quatre knew how I felt when I lost Heero. I never wanted him to know. True, we had lost Wufei, Sally, Noin, Zechs and Lady Une during the first assault by the Preventers on the first day of the war, but they had died fighting for the earth. Their deaths, though sad and pointless, had been for what they believed in. Trowa's death had been due to my inattention, my lack of enough power. Even with the Six by my side and my enormous Talent, I could not save Trowa that day. I feel the guilt and the weight of his death every day. I only have Quatre and Relena left to me. Dorothy is long gone, too, killed by rioters three years ago in the European vector. She was courageous, that crazy blond. I miss her too. I miss them all, but most especially, I miss my Heero. I will visit his grave later, first of many graves I will visit today. I will tell him about me, how I'm defending the earth, how I'm fulfilling his destiny as a hero. And I will listen for him in the wind, telling me that he is proud of me._  
  
In silent accord, the seven Talents began to expand into their Talent. Duo stretched his as far as he could, defying the physical and mental strain it caused. His vision blurred, his violet eyes no longer dilating with the change of the light. He could vaguely make out the others. The Seventh was on her knees, barely supported by the shaky Fifth. Third and Fourth clung to each other fiercely, as if anticipating death and wanting to face it together. The Second stood stoically, but Duo could feel the exhaustion coming from him in waves. The Sixth fared no better than the rest of them, her shoulders slumped and her usually cold face slack with the exertion. But it was time for them to go after the space fortress, the Mission's heart. They were ready to attack it full out. As soon as they were all filled to capacity with the Talent, the Fifth and the Seventh would drop the barrier and in the split second they had, they would send all their Talent power into the space fortress. They had meticulously calculated the amount of power they needed to release in order to bring the fortress down, but even then, there was the margin of error. All it came down to was the one moment when they would unleash their greatest power upon one giant evil. If they failed, the earth was doomed for after the attack, none would have any strength left to fight back. But if they won.. if they won. There would be peace. Safety. With that in mind, Duo expanded as far as he could, farther than he ever had until every molecule in his body seemed to burst out of their confinement. His last thought to the Six was a command, a decisive word.  
  
'RELEASE.'  
  
Seven streams of Talent power soared into the atmosphere and into the space fortress. Soon, it would all be over.  
  
_The strangest thing is, I can't understand why there are only seven of us. Why only seven in a population of a billion or more? Even with a large chunk of humanity dead and missing, we had a billion people on earth. And out of that billion or so, only seven had the Talent. I figured that was the question that the scientists wanted answered. They did all types of tests on us, none of them painful or anything, but uncomfortable anyway. For the last week, I and the Six have been through genetic screens, psychological and physiological tests, emotional readings, aura reflections. I guess they need to know if there could be more of us, if they could actually produce a Talent out of science or genetic breeding or something. It's a hope that the scientists have that the Third and the Fourth would produce a kid. They have high hopes that such a progeny would be a Talent as well. But I'm digressing. I guess I just don't want to open the test results in front of me. What if it told me that I was some kind of a genetic freak? Or even worse, not even human? I must not fear the results. Let's face it, without me defending the earth, without the Six, the Mission would kill everyone and blow up the planet. Even if I was some alien bioandroid or something, the people would still need us. No need to feel like I won't get accepted or anything. As the First Talent, the only friends I have left are Quatre and Relena and even they look at me funny sometimes. So I tear open the packet and read the contents carefully. The results aren't just mine, but for all of us. The scientists tried to find what we had in common, what made us unique enough to bear the Talent. Too bad they couldn't find anything. Genetically, I'm normal as are the others. I have the rare recessive gene for my violet colored eyes, but that's not a common factor since the Seventh's hazel eyes are fairly common. We all had traumatizing events in our lives, but in the times of war, who didn't? I fought in the wars before the Mission in my gundam and saw more than I should have. I found my lover in our house, torn and.. well, let me go on. We all lost people precious to us. But so did Quatre and Relena. And countless others. None of them had the Talent. So it wasn't the genetics, it wasn't the psychological factor. Emotionally, the seven of us are so damned different that it'd be a joke to think that was the linking factor. It is the same with our aura readings. So basically, the report is telling me that despite all the testing, they had no freaking idea what makes us Talents. Whoop-dee fucking doo. So no one can tell us how we came to be Talents, or if others can become like us. Life is funny like that, I guess. I wonder what Heero would say about me. I know for certain he'd still love me. Hell, he'd love me even if I was covered in leprous sores from head to toe and I came from a distant planet. But what would he think? It still matters to me, after all these years, what he would think of me. Why? Because when I see him again, I want him to be proud of me. I want to look him in the eyes and say 'hey, lover, I made a difference.'_  
  
As soon as Duo opened his eyes and saw the relieved faces of Quatre and Relena, he knew that they had won. He was in his room, hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. The sun was out. Everyone was still alive. They had won. But he had to make sure.  
  
"Quat.. Relena.. We won, right?"  
  
His voice croaked like a rusty hinge, but it made his friends smile. Not the small, sad smiles he was used to from them. The smiles bestowed upon him were bright, joyous, practically beaming with ecstasy and freedom. He had not seen anyone smile like that in a long time.  
  
"We won, Duo. No, you and the Six won. The space fortress is gone. Completely obliterated! Nothing left! The left over ships exploded when the shockwave from the Mission's fortress hit them. The Third assured us that nothing was left anywhere. It's finally over."  
  
Over. That one word rang in Duo's brain over and over again like a mantra, each repetition bringing more peace to his heart. After all those years of fighting, after losing friends, it was over. The Mission was gone. He felt his face stretch into a smile.  
  
"No more fighting. No more fear. Shit, I don't know what to do now."  
  
"There is nothing for you to do now." Relena said quietly. "Just rest, Duo. You deserve it."  
  
Once again, the world faded as sleep overcame Duo. However, this time, he slept peacefully without the fear and the burden which had lain upon his soul for twenty years.  
  
_The night is too quiet, too silent. The lack of noise makes my mind wander, the blinking lights of my small clock beating in time with every thought. I'm lonely, laying here all by myself. Sure, I've been sleeping alone for nearly ten years now, but that doesn't make me any less lonely when the night falls so silent. I envy Quatre and Trowa, the two love birds who have managed to survive so far and still manage to find time to love each other. They are beautiful to see, but they make my heart ache more and more. Heero is always on my mind, but when they come within my visual range, I feel the loss more. Like now, I wonder, is the world really worth defending? Just the other day, a massive riot broke out over in the southeastern region of Africa and more than four thousand died. With the food shortage, everyone is killing. These riots happen more often than they should, each causing more and more casualties and unneeded rifts between people. We have a death threat literally looming over us, and we are too busy killing each other over food to band together. So I have to wonder, am I really defending something worthwhile? I know Heero would say yes, but he hasn't seen this world. He hasn't seen the damage we're doing to each other while I and the Six risk our sanity and our lives to defend them. I'm just getting so tired again. And quiet nights like this make me tired more than ever. I have no one to fight for personally. The Third and the Fourth fight for each other and their child. Sure, their child has exhibited no signs of the Talent, but it makes no difference to them. The kid is their life. Same for the Fifth and the Seventh. I swear, they are like father and daughter. The Second fights for his family who are safely stowed away in a high security complex and the Sixth is finally getting married to that silly general who courted her for a solid year. Everyone has someone to fight for except me. Quatre and Relena, yes I love them, but they have others whom they love more. Not me. It was always Heero for me and it always will be. So I think of giving up the fight. I'm weak. I have moments when I just want to give in and slip into death. But I won't. Why? Why indeed._  
  
"Man, too good to be true, I knew it. I fucking knew it."  
  
Duo paced in his office while the Six, Quatre and Relena looked at him awkwardly. It had been only a week since the great victory over the Mission and the celebrations were still going on outside. But in this office, there was great tension. Again.  
  
"I'm sorry, First Talent, but we couldn't have ever stopped this. It was never anticipated."  
  
Duo snarled at the Second's coldly analytical voice. He knew that the Second was right, but it did not make him feel any better.  
  
"So, what can we do?"  
  
The Sixth was focused on the solution, not the problem. Her mind was already processing the information and picking through possibilities. She would find a solution if no one else could.  
  
"As far as we know, the dimensional anomaly was on earth. So someone from the Mission got through the barrier in that half second you dropped it. It was just one, though, from the size of the hole in the subspace. The best thing would be-"  
  
Quatre was cut off suddenly by the Seventh who started speaking in a trance. Her Talent was strong with looking into the time stream, seeing the past, glimpsing the future. And it always manifested in a trance.  
  
"One sent back in time to fix a wrong. One in time to set it right."  
  
Duo had had enough with the riddles. In frustration, he stalked up to the Seventh and shook her by her shoulders, incoherently yelling for an explanation. He was pulled off her roughly by the Fifth.  
  
"I don't care if you are the First. You do that again, I'll kill you."  
  
Duo dusted himself off and apologized to the Seventh and begged understanding with his pleading eyes. The Seventh shrugged and explained her vision.  
  
"Well, First Talent, it seems that someone or something from the Mission managed to go into the past. For what purpose, I do not know, but it most likely isn't for our own good. We must send someone to follow."  
  
"How the hell are we supposed to travel back in time? None of us has that Talent!"  
  
"Calm down Duo. We may be able to.. the machinery was left behind."  
  
Stunned yet calm, Duo turned to face Relena. A way back in time. Something he had dreamed of for a long time.  
  
"How long back in time."  
  
"The scientists say twenty years ago."  
  
Duo did not even hesitate.  
  
"I'm going."  
  
_I'm not much of a singer, but I can't stop myself. Right now, I'm singing Heero's favorite song in my off-tune voice, scaring off the birds in the willow tree. Well, I'm not really singing. I'm actually belting out words that I don't really know the meaning to. Damn Japanese lyrics. But I'm singing it because Heero sang it after every battle we won. And today, we achieved the greatest victory ever. We won. The Mission is gone. And no more use for me, the First Talent. I'm free to go to him any time I want. But Heero would not be glad to see me if I left too quickly. He'd want me to stick around and make sure everyone was okay and dandy before I said my final farewells. So I'll live a little while longer, or a lot while longer. I will live as long as it takes to fulfill his dreams._  
  
Duo clicked on the small machine strapped to his wrist much like a watch and tapped in the coordinates. The scientists stood behind a thick glass wall surrounded by equipment and eyed him owlishly. Duo smiled his biggest one and then pushed the 'go' button. He was going back in time. Twenty years. Before Heero died. Before the Mission came. In the past, he would fix everything. When the gauge on the watch filled to the top and blinked red, Duo unleashed his Talent and sent an intense energy wave into it. The machine fired up and he felt dizzy. He knew soon, he would pass out and wake up somewhere in the past if this thing worked right. If not, well, whatever. He was going to find that Mission bastard in the past, take care of him, save Heero and the world.  
  
"I'm coming to save you Heero. Wait for me." 


	2. The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by 0083
> 
> okay. part 2. not as angsty. i think....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

The shuttle touched down with a soft thud, barely disturbing the sleeping occupants within it. One passenger in particular, however, noted the slight movement and opened his violet eyes to the rather harsh sunshine through the unclosed hatch window and squinted at the sudden violation. Duo had forgotten that it would be early morning when he arrived and had fallen asleep on the shuttle without closing the little blind. But a small thing like assault to his eyes would not discourage him today. No. He was finally home after that blasted week long business trip. He could finally go home, jump on Heero and have a nice, relaxed meal. And have wild sex, of course. Breathing the faintly stale air of the shuttle, Duo looked out and saw the runway race by with a gleeful smile on his face. He couldn't wait to get home and see Heero. A week was too long of a time to be without his lover.  
  
_I watch him as he sleeps, his hair tousled and messy, his bright blue eyes closed to the world. He breathes softly, his chest rising and falling almost imperceptibly with each intake of oxygen. God, he is beautiful. Sure, there is a war going on out there and we are living on the edge of sanity with our giant gundams as our partners, but right now, all I see is Heero. The moon is high up in the sky, casting a romantic silver glow all around the tiny room we share. It bounces off Heero's bronzed skin and brown hair, sparkling merrily like tiny little jewels. I know I'm lucky to have this wonderful boy as my lover, my best friend and my soulmate. I would have never guessed that we would be like this only a month ago, but here we are, sleeping in the same bed in the nude, our limbs entwined and our breaths mingling. I don't think I've ever been so happy with my lot in life. I run my fingers through his hair, touch his cheek and his lips. He stirs slightly and then opens his eyes. Silver tinted cobalt eyes stare at me, mesmerizing me. He smiles, his eyes soften ever so gently, and I know, for as long as I live, I will never forget the look._  
  
Duo waited impatiently as the line off the shuttle ambled along at the pace of a turtle. People getting their carry-on luggage blocked his way to the exit and little children stumbled past him in an amazing display of dexterity. He figured that it was some weird law of nature that made every shuttle port experience slower than molasses in February. Every time, it took at least an hour to get off the shuttle and get out of the port. It was ridiculous how inefficient most people were with their time, wasting it away by being snail-paced at such an unimportant locale as a shuttle port. The line of people in front of him moved yet another small pace and Duo took a small step forward. At this rate, by the time he got home to Heero, it would be night. He sighed.  
  
_I look at our new home and pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming this time. It's a small little thing, three bedrooms, a kitchen with a breakfast nook, standard living room and dining room spaces. And of course, the huge lawn. It's all ours now. Heero and I signed the papers just this morning and here we are, staring at our new house. This is where we're going to live together, build our life together. I'm so giddy that I'm bouncing up and down like an idiot, but Heero is looking at me with indulgence in his eyes. He reaches out his hand and grasps mine and we run into the house at full speed. I'm kind of surprised that we don't trip over each other in our haste to get inside, but we are trained soldiers. We don't trip. I'm in such a good mood that I don't even want to chastise myself for that last bit of a stupid joke. Excitement is just pouring out of me, infecting Heero too, and we collapse on the hardwood floor of our living room and laugh. Just laugh. This is our home! I have a home. With Heero. I'm going to cook meals here that Heero will look at with a suspicious eye before tasting. I'm going to needle Heero when he does laundry because he has to use the most precise amount of detergent. We're going to argue over lawn care, house care, hair care. We're going to do everything in this home. I think my life just can't get any better. I love this house. I love him. I love life._  
  
People milled around the economy parking lot like so many flies on honey. They were slow, a little lost and extremely surprised at a running figure dodging around them. Smiling insanely, Duo ran around the people in his path and practically flew towards his car. His house was a three hour drive from the port, but it was an open road that led to his part of the world. He couldn't wait to get in, start up the car and zoom down the road in a speed designated by law enforcement as 'reckless and dangerous.' His patience had worn thin when getting off the shuttle had literally taken an hour. It was no surprise that as soon as his feet touched the asphalt of the runway that he took off like a bat out of hell, screaming 'I'm free!' and pumping his fists into the air. It was rather sad to see him stop abruptly and walk dejectedly towards the luggage pick-up. But here he was now, luggage in tow, finally free from the slower members of society. His car awaited him in this huge parking lot, the car of his dreams. It was the sweetest piece of equipment barring Deathscythe. Three hours of top speed on land would help him vent his frustration before he got home to Heero.  
  
_I admit, I'm not a drooler. I only drooled over Heero and I think that's a fairly good thing. But here I am, little drops of saliva falling out of my opened mouth as I stare at the beautiful sight before me. Moonbeam silver. Curves that defy laws of physics. Leather and wood blending like they were nature's first choice of mates. Yes, I'm staring at my new car. Heero bought it for me for my birthday. I came home from work earlier today, kind of sad that my birthday so far had been a total bust. Heero had zipped out of the house in the morning so fast that I barely caught him saying happy birthday to me. Then work had made me cranky. But I get home to find my lover laying on the hood of this amazing piece of machinery. So I'm currently too busy admiring the new car. Heero comes up to me, enfolds me in a hug and whispers 'happy birthday' to me. I can't believe it. Sure, we're not impoverished, but this car.. how can we afford it? I look into his eyes and he kisses me on my nose lightly. All he does his show me a piece of paper that I know is the title to this car. It is really mine. The car. Heero jingles the keys in front of me and all my thoughts of money and budgeting goes out the window as I jump into the driver's side. A convertible to boot, you know. My god, Heero knows my taste in everything! Heero gets into the car more genteelly, using the door. I'm so excited that I have trouble shoving the key into the ignition. A small part of my mind is telling me to calm down or the drive would be a short one, ending in a fiery crash at the end of our driveway. But who needs caution? Not me! So I start up my new car, or dare I say, my second love, and back out of the driveway. The gentle whirring of the engine, the smooth feel of leather, it's all real! And then I'm off, tearing down our little road, probably scaring the neighbors to death in the process, on my way to a bigger road. Heero laughs, throwing his head back while the wind tears at his hair. I laugh with him. As birthdays go, I think I'll put this one at the top of my list._  
  
Duo sighed and gave up. He had looked forward to driving home at an insane speed, but thanks to all the slow people ahead of him blocking his way, he was going at a mere speed limit. It seemed to him that every time he wanted to get somewhere quickly, some gods knew about his diabolical plans and conspired against him. He sighed once again, and tapped on his steering wheel with his fingers. It looked like it would take longer than he thought to get home to Heero. But he did not want to go home looking frustrated and haggard. He wanted to greet Heero properly, with a big smile and a tender look. Therefore, with much self-control, Duo calmed his frayed nerves and took deep, cleansing breaths. He counted backwards from a hundred in a measured pace, settling his heart beat into a reasonable rhythm. He thought about nice, calm things like a sunset in the park, waves breaking on beaches and golf. Slowly, he felt his shoulders unclench and his hands undo the death grip they had on the steering wheel. His feet stopped itching to press on the gas pedal and his spine lost most of its ramrod straight pose. He figured, if the drive was going to be this boring, he might as well relax. With that thought, Duo turned up the volume on his radio and blasted songs on his personal mix CD. In his convertible, with a state of the art stereo and speaker system at full volume, everyone within a five mile radius could hear his idea of good songs. People driving near him gave him strange looks and pointed at him, whispering things into the ears of the other occupants of their car. Duo smirked and waved tauntingly at the other people on the road. 'Heh,' he thought, 'they don't know how lucky they are that they can't hear ME singing!'  
  
_I must admit that Heero has a damn good aim. Here I am, sitting innocuously on the sofa, singing a nice song while I leaf through my magazine, and then thud. Heero throws a pillow at me from the door of our bedroom. Which is on the second floor! And surprise, surprise, the pillow smacks me right on the head. I look up and see him throwing me his death glare, daring me to continue singing. Okay, so it's really early in the morning. Or should I say dawn? But I couldn't sleep thanks to all the alcohol I drank at the party earlier. Quatre knows how to throw a party and Wufei makes a terribly flirty drunk. I think I saw Sally blush to the roots of her hair at least five times within an hour span. I wonder what he said to her to make her do that. But I'm brought out of my revelry by Heero telling me to shut up and come to bed. I should, since I'm supposed to work some extra hours tomorrow, but I can't. I just can't sleep when there is alcohol swimming through my blood veins. I get dizzy just thinking about lying down. I shake my head at my pissed off lover, smiling my best, innocent smile, and bury my head in my magazine again. Yes, the words are blurring together and I seem to be reading about kitchen decorations, but who cares? I'm happy as a clam. A very drunk clam. I'm so absorbed in the intricacies of embossing tiles that I fall out of the couch in surprise when Heero sits next to me. I look up at his impossibly handsome face and grin like a fool. Doesn't he know how good he looks with the lamp light behind his head, his hair sticking up at odd angles and his night clothes all bunched up around his shoulders? Heh, probably not. I know my smile is goofy as I put my head on his lap, still looking up into his eyes. He tries to look annoyed, but it doesn't last long. Instead, he smiles and caresses my face. Then he calls me an idiot. I can't help but burst out laughing because I swear, no one can make the word idiot into an endearment except for my crazy guy. I think I tell him that I love him, but my brain is too fuzzy to make out the words I'm making. But I must have said something sweet because Heero's face softens and he pulls me up to him. He breathes my scent in and tickles that sensitive spot on my neck. I sigh in contentment and finally, sleep kicks in._

Duo slumped forward and touched his head to the steering wheel. For some reason, there was a traffic jam. On a country road that hardly anyone used. He saw a line of cars ahead of him, lined up like little children on a field trip, moving sluggishly ahead at a pace of an inch per hour. He had turned the music down long ago, tired of the owlishly suspicious looks thrown at him by people near him. Besides, he figured that just because he was annoyed did not give him the right to annoy the rest of the world. All the relaxation he had instilled into his body was gone now, replaced by a boiling frustration at this unexpected turn of events. He was home finally, after a hellishly boring business trip and a horrendous flight on the most uncomfortable shuttle in space, and he had to run into traffic. In the middle of an afternoon on a work day. He wondered what had caused this strange circumstance on his way back home. Was there an accident ahead? Some road construction? A meteor that crashed into the road? What? More than the traffic, he was frustrated by his lack of knowledge at the situation. The traffic guys on the radio would not be reporting most likely because this road was a small, dinky road in the middle of nowhere. He would not get out of his lovely car to check out what was ahead because he could not leave his car behind, all by itself. That would be like screaming out 'please, someone steal my car.' Duo could only think murderously that if there was construction ahead, he might scream obscenities at the crew and speed off. Or if it was an accident.. To cause him this much mental anguish, somebody better have died in a spectacular crash involving explosions and body parts.  
  
_It's a nice day. I have my little packed lunch and I'm running at a break neck speed towards the park. I'm late, again. Heero's probably waiting for me on our bench, his eyebrow twitching as he stares into his watch. I'm always late. I swear, if he wants to have lunch with me at noon, he should tell me to be there by eleven thirty so I'll be on time. So I pick up the pace a little more and grin at the fact that I'm still in shape. I can still run like I'm fifteen. And Heero would say, I still think like I'm fifteen. Well, I'm a big believer in nurturing the inner child. I can see our bench and yes, Heero is sitting there. He has his little bagged lunch beside him, unopened and tidy. That's my Heero. He never starts to eat until I appear. One night, I forgot to call home to say I'd be really late for dinner and when I got home at around two in the morning, Heero was still waiting for me, dinner uneaten. That was a hell of a night. We ate our cold meal together and then made love until the sun came up. Our neighbors gave us funny looks the next day, but what can I say? I'm a screamer. And so is Heero. I finally get to the bench and I bend at the waist so I can catch my breath. My lunch is clutched in my left hand, the paper bag scrunched and looking sadly squashed. I guess I didn't pay attention to my lunch's condition as I ran like hell. I sit next to Heero, waiting for the inevitable lecture about punctuality, but I don't get it. Instead, he takes my lunch from my hands, looks inside disapprovingly and shakes his head. Then he hands me his lunch bag, still crisp and quite unsquashed. While I gape like a fish out of water, he takes out my very malformed sandwich and battered juice and begins to eat. When I keep staring, he gives me a look that basically tells me to start eating or he would stuff it down my throat. So I take out his sandwich, the crusts cut off in neat lines and looking like it just came out of a conveyor belt of perfectly shaped sandwiches and take a bite. We sit in companionable silence as we eat each other's lunches in this beautiful park. It's too bad that lunch breaks are so damned short._  
  
Duo accelerated as soon as he passed the orange cones and nearly rear ended the car in front of him. He had finally passed the thing that had caused the traffic jam, a tiny little fender bender that some old blind lady caused by running into a boy who probably had just gotten his license. The worst of the driving world, old lady and reckless beginner driver, had collided to make his life utterly frustrating. A part of him was glad that neither person was hurt in the accident, but there was that other part of him, the part that had allowed him to pilot Deathscythe with precision, that had wanted to jump out of his car and throttle the careless twosome into hell. But there was no more traffic and he was speeding along quite nicely. Duo put on his sunglasses, took a deep breath and yelled at the top of his lungs. He yelled until he felt that all the frustration was gone from his system, then he yelled some more just because it had felt good.  
  
_Five card draw is not my game. Poker, in general, is not my game. Heero says it's because I take too many gambles and risks, but really. It's a card game of chance more than strategy to me. If I get a good hand, I'll keep it and bet until I run out of chips or someone calls me on it. If get a bad hand, I'll bluff like crazy. My policy of never lying does not extend to the card table. But then again, my pile of chips right now is the lowest out of the five of us. Heero has a nice stack of chips going, but it is Trowa who's really raking it in. Right now, we are all staring at our cards and each other, trying to see who had a good hand and who was a sucker. It's not fair that we know each other so damn well that we can pick out the little movements that tell the others what we're holding in our hand. For instance, Wufei is looking rather intensely at his cards and not paying any attention to us. He is tapping his index finger of his left hand on the table while his right hand is gripping the cards like they are going to fly away if he loosened up. That says to me, Wufei has a terrible hand and he's not happy with it at all. Next, I look at Quatre. His eyebrows are knit together in concentration, crunching his nose in a most adorable way. He purses his lips. And there! He just licked his lips. Yes, Quatre has a great hand, probably a full house or better. I move onto Trowa only to see that he looks as emotionless as ever. That guy has the best poker face, better than Heero. But I know every nuance of Heero's face, so it's not a fair comparison. But then again, Trowa takes a drink from his glass. He never takes a drink unless he thinks he needs to bluff. At least he did in the past. Maybe he knows that I know that he takes a drink when he's about to bluff and he's just faking me out. Whoa. Too many words in that train of thought. Anyway, I stare at Heero last. My lover looks thoughtful, probably deliberating the risk factor against the victory factor. He is so very analytical. I love that. He looks so cute when he's deliberating. I keep staring at my lover, no longer looking for signs of a 'tell' but for the sheer joy of just looking at him. I'm jolted out of my adoration by Wufei who kicks me in the shins and tells me either to bet or fold. I'm sure he had more ungentlemanly words in mind, but Wufei is always polite when at other people's homes. Even ours. Sheesh, Wufei, stick up your ass or what? But I take his suggestion and I bet. Of course I bet! My hand of cards shows two queens and three jacks. I have a really good hand. I can't lose on this one. And as I suspected, Wufei folds. He slams his cards down on the table and grumbles about unfairly dealing Americans. I guess he means me since I dealt this round. Quatre smiles beatifically and matches my bet. And he raises. Damn. He must have a killer hand. Trowa folds. I can't imagine what he had in his hands, but I guess me and Quatre starting the betting so high and raising did not sit well with his intention to bluff. Heero bets and raises too. What is this, clean-me-out night? Well, I can't back down now, so I bet and I raise. Hell, Quatre, Heero and I continue this, we're all going to be putting down the deeds to our houses like those old western movies I hate and Heero loves. The madness ends when I finally break and call Heero on his last raise and Quatre complies. Hell, Quatre probably saw how low my stack of chips were and decided to be nice. Heero lays down his cards in his usual manner, one at a time. I see an ace, which is not too good, then another ace, which really sucks, then two tens and a king. I breathe a little easier since I know I have a better hand. I put my cards down, my fabulous full house and grin like a maniac. I'd like to see Quatre beat that one. Well, not really, but it's a saying, you know? I hold my breath as he lays his cards down. If I win, I'm going to have a nice hefty pot to collect, maybe enough for those curtains Heero and I have been eyeing for some time. The yellow ones with the peach colored dots on them. Quatre lays his cards down, all at once, and smiles at me. I think it's a gracious smile, but is it one of defeat or of victory? I look at his cards and I realize I won this round. He was bluffing, that sly bugger. He just made me think he had good cards. But that doesn't matter now. I rake in the winnings from the center of the table while Wufei grumbles more loudly about low dealing Americans. But I'm not paying him any heed because I'm too busy dreaming about those curtains. They'd look wonderful in the window of our living room facing out to the lawn._  
  
Duo finally saw the sign for his little town. It was only twelve miles from here and at the speed he was going, he'd make it there in less than five minutes. Heero had told him over the phone just before he left his hotel at the L3 colony cluster that he would be home to greet him. The elation was building in Duo again. His lover was so considerate and wonderful that he would take a day off work just to welcome him back after a business trip. By now, those curtains they picked out last week should be hanging in the window. Duo could not think of a better way to come home. He pushed down further on the gas pedal and the car raced down the little road to his lover and his house with the curtains.  
  
_There are lights everywhere and the stars can't compete with them. Tonight, all of the earth and the colonies are celebrating the end of the Eve war. I hear that it's winter in some parts of the earth, but Heero and my part of the world is quite warm. I can feel the warm stirring of the wind weaving through the crowd. This party is Relena's affair and she must have invited every single person she had ever met. I'm in my Sunday best, a nice suit and tie. Heero is too and he looks good enough to eat. Everyone we know is here, dancing, drinking, talking, laughing. This night is a blast and I'm going to enjoy every last minute of it because tomorrow morning, I'm going on a stupid business trip to L3. For a week. So I grab a flute of champagne off the nearest waiter, grab Heero by his wrist and drag him off for some mingling. He is not the most sociable, but he can hold a conversation contrary to popular belief. I'm convinced that he could out-talk me if I gave him half the chance. We walk together, pausing once in a while to talk to other people. All the time, we hold hands, our fingers linked together in an intricate mesh. His palm is warm and dry against mine and even though I'm only touching his hand, it's like I can feel his entire body. But then again, it's always like that when Heero and I touch. We do the rounds for a while, talking, socializing, drinking and laughing. So many stories are told in this night because alcohol makes tongues a little bit looser. Heero and I listen with apt rapture as Trowa drunkenly explains to us how he got the bruise on his elbow. He even rolls up his sleeve to show us the bruise. I laugh and Heero cracks a joke that sounds dirty even to my experienced ears. Quatre blushes at Heero's comment and Wufei shoves Trowa in a friendly way, shooting him a taunting look. Relena looks properly shocked but she laughs, too. The night wanes further and people are drifting off to their homes or hotel rooms. Heero and I say our good byes and we head home, too. It's an hour drive or so and Heero is driving my car. He doesn't drink like I do, thankfully. The drive home is easy and peaceful, both of us talking softly about how good it was to see everyone again. He is holding my hand with his free hand, gently squeezing every minute or so, as if to assure me that he's always going to be here by my side. I gaze at his profile and fall deeper into love. I can only hope that the week away from him won't be as painful as I think it will be._  
  
Duo drove up the driveway as silently as possible. He wanted to surprise Heero by jumping into the house with a loud yell. He wanted to see that look on Heero's face. The one where surprise and joy mixed so evenly. He cut the engine to his car and debated for a split second whether or not to retrieve the luggage. Deciding that luggage could be dealt with later, Duo opened the door of his car slowly and shut it without nary a noise. Duo looked at the window with a cursory glance and noticed that there was a stain on the curtains that they had just bought shortly before he had left on his trip. The yellow with the peach dots seemed to be sporting a dark splotch from where Duo stood. Duo sighed melodramatically. It looked like steam vacuuming time sometime in the week. But he did not want to worry about the curtains now. That would come later. He crept up to the front door and opened the screen slowly so that Heero would not be alerted to his presence. He drew in a deep breath so he could yell 'I'm home' as loud as he could and he turned the door knob and opened the door.  
  
_I love the way he smiles. I love the way he speaks. I love him in all his ways and quirks, faults and foibles. So I leave him a note on the table just before I shoot out the door to the shuttle port. I miss him already. I'm a total romantic fool, you know? It's not like I'm never going to see him again._


	3. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by 0083
> 
> angst, death, strange scientific explanations to things i don't understand...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

_It was never a question of who they were, just what they were. I sit in my office and wonder for the thousandth time, just who is the Mission? They came out of nowhere thirteen years ago and their only objective seems to be destruction of the earth. I can't figure out why they want us dead and gone so badly. Just what was it about the earth that made them attack us and then stick around for all these years just looking for a chance to obliterate us? I have been in this war against the Mission the longest and I haven't even seen the Mission's people. I can't even say if they are people. Do they look like us? Or do they look like a creation of the science fiction writers, all slimy and green with big buggy eyes and tentacles? What if the Mission was nothing but a big machine that destroyed all planets? My mind leads me on a merry chase and I can't come up with answers. My Talent has not picked up any thoughts when I scan the skies for movement. That is odd. As I sit here, I can sweep the earth and hear all sorts of mental noises, from thoughts to emotions. I can hear the Fourth grumbling in her mind about the Third's nasty habit of leaving the toilet seat up. I can hear Relena outlining her day in her head. I think Relena outlines her day in her head everyday. I love that girl to death, but I think she needs a hobby. Back to my pondering. So, just what is the Mission? So far, we know that they have a fortress in space, orbiting the earth, looking for weak spots. It also houses innumerable ships for small attacks, has an energy cannon capable of blowing the earth up in one swift blow if hit at the right spot.. All anyone knows of the Mission is the technology. No one knows about who is behind it. And of course, no one saw fit to question just where the Mission came from or what it wanted. It's easier to brand a faceless enemy as evil than an actual person. What if they looked like us? Could we truly call them evil when we have been killing each other off on this earth for centuries upon centuries? My question, it seems, will never be answered. But I will never stop questioning. After all, it is me who is killing the most of them._  
  
A body lay on the ground quite still, almost too still. The two kids who happened upon the body in the alley looked at each other, shrugged and went up to it. They prodded with their feet, afraid of actually touching a potentially dead body with their uncovered fingers. They jumped back in surprise and fear when the body moaned and got up ever so slowly. Their mouths gaped open wider when the figure stood to full height and faced them. It was a man not much taller than them with the longest hair they'd ever seen twined into a braid. Deciding that sticking around the guy was not a good idea, the kids bolted. Duo looked at the running kids and sighed. He hadn't meant to scare them. He just hoped he hadn't done too much damage to their psyche. But those kids were not his concern. He had to figure out exactly what day it was, where he was, and where the Mission's agent was. Gathering his wits quickly, Duo stepped out of the alley and into the busy street. People were everywhere and they did not spare him a glance. He supposed he looked normal enough to the people of the past. Dressed as he was in his black shirt and pants, he fit in just perfectly. He was not the First Talent here, but just an average, normal guy. Quickly, Duo made his way to a newspaper stand and checked the date. When he saw the date, he released the breath he had not realized he had been holding. It was four days before Heero's murder. He had time to save his lover from that terrible fate, a chance to save himself from the numbing pain. But before he could go off to protect Heero from the killer, he had to find that Mission agent. He stood by the newspaper stand and scanned with his Talent. No matter where the Mission was, he could find it. His Talent was capable of searching the entire planet and the surrounding space, reaching out to the colonies. And no one knew what the Mission felt like better than he did. Even though he had never directly felt the sentient being behind the machines of the Mission, he knew for certain that the agent would have Mission technology on him or her. He only needed to pinpoint that signature and then materialize wherever it was. One Mission agent was no match for him who was capable of annihilating thousands of their advanced warships with a single blast from his mind. Disposing of the agent would take seconds and then he would have the rest of the time free to defend Heero. Look at him again after twenty long years. Feeling his heart contract at the thought, Duo intensified his search field. His Talent roamed the earth and space, looking for that unique mental feel that was the Mission. Five minutes of intense searching, he found it. It was maybe three thousand miles from where he was now, but distance did not matter when he could just materialize. He smiled. The agent would be dead shortly.  
  
"Hey, buddy, you gonna buy something or what?"  
  
Duo glanced at the vendor who was eyeing him with distrust. Shrugging his shoulders, Duo sauntered away from the newspaper stand and walked into the alley where he had woken up. After making sure that no one was watching, Duo phased out.  
  
_I need some water. Desperately. But I can't move from my bed right now, I'm too weak. My limbs won't move when I tell them to move. I can hardly open my eyes to locate that water pitcher. Just where are all my nursemaids when I need them? Although, I guess Quatre and the guys don't want me calling them nursemaids. But I need water. I'm so thirsty. I turn my head and try to focus my eyes on the water pitcher. To my blurred perspective, it seems that there are maybe four pitchers wobbling on five tables, but that can't be right. I must be more sick and out of it than I thought. I have no idea how long I've been here in this bed. I don't know what time it is, what day it is, hell, not even what year it is. I only know two things for certain. One, I'm in dire need of liquid. Two, Heero is dead. I feel the tears welling up again and I try to blink them back. Crying always makes me nauseous and I don't want to throw up on top of being thirsty. I concentrate on making my body move. I command my jelly like legs to shift, but it's as if my legs are not mine. They do nothing while I scream in my head at them to do something. I think I do this for a while before I finally give up. Naturally, my thoughts turn to Heero again. Heero. It's like a nightmare. Part of me is convinced that I am in a terrible dreamscape, that I did not see my lover dead. But I would be a coward if I denied the truth. My lover is dead. I found his blood, still dripping from the walls. Whoever killed him had shown no mercy. I want to find that killer and make him pay. I want to do things to him that would make others sick to their stomachs. I want the killer to feel the awful pain that I'm feeling, the pain that Heero must have felt. Sure, I'm delirious and ill to boot now, but once I get well, I'm going to make sure I find the killer and kill him. I said once I get well. What happened to my need to die? Didn't I want to slink off into the darkness and hide from all the pain and misery? But if I did that, how can I avenge Heero? I can't. I suppose I have to live, if only for revenge. Heero would say that my reason to live isn't the right one because life is beautiful. He would tell me to forget about vengeance, don't let it stain my soul. For now, though, I'm going to use the murderous rage rising in me to propel me back into life. It will keep me going until something else replaces the rage. If something ever does. Still, I'm thirsty as hell. Vengeance and rage won't do me any good if I die from dehydration, now will it. I wonder if Quatre left a bell I could ring to call them. I look around and see nothing to help my predicament. Well, I guess it's up to me to get myself some water. Besides, I hate being helpless. Now that I'm conscious and thinking somewhat clearly, I should be able to get myself water. Yes. So I roll over somehow, moaning in pain, trying to position myself in the best angle possible to get out of the bed. I see the water pitcher which is only maybe three feet away. If I take a small step out of the bed and stretch my arm out, I should be able to get it. But my planning goes awry when my legs refuse to support me and I flop rather gracelessly onto the floor, face first. I just hope I didn't break my nose with my landing. I think the water is taunting me, just out of reach, glistening with beaded condensation on the side. This reminds me of some old myth I learned about back in a boarding school Heero and I hid out in all those years ago. Something about a guy standing in a river and every time he bent to drink, the water would run from him. I know how that guy feels now. I can't move again. I must have used my energy up getting out of bed. Frustrated and embarrassed by my situation, I just curse the water. How dare it taunt me in my time of need? Just barely out of my reach? Just what the hell did it think it was? I realize that my thought pattern is jumbled and outright ridiculous at this point. I'm yelling at a pitcher of water in my mind. But what else can I do? So I continue to yell at the water and it culminates with me telling it to get over here if it knew what was good for it. As soon as I say that in my head, I laugh at the sheer idiocy of it all until I feel a cold splash on my face. I open my eyes to see the water pitcher, lying next to my face, all of its contents spilled on my head and pooling beneath me. I'm too thirsty to ponder how the pitcher ended up next to me. I just tilt my head and lap at the water on the floor before my pajamas soak up all the moisture._  
  
The Mission signature fluctuated every now and then, almost like the machine was malfunctioning. But that did not deter Duo from tracking it down, following its trail like a bloodhound after a wounded rabbit. He was getting closer. It was midmorning in this particular city and everyone was busy. People in suits walked to their offices, children ran to their respective schools. A few early morning shoppers were buying things that had no purpose other than to collect dust and tourists clicked pictures of each other. Duo paid them no mind as he walked briskly, still on the hunt. He avoid contact with most people by dodging around them, trying not to alert anyone in this time that he was somehow different. But he did not realize that people were already wary of him. His violet eyes held a fierce light that did not belong in this peaceful era and his purpose radiated from him. Subconsciously, the people got out of his way, afraid of him in an instinctual level. Even in the past when no one knew Duo's true power, people could not help but feel awe and fear near his presence. He was getting closer to the Mission, the feel of it stronger with every step. Then suddenly, the Mission's signature vanished and reappeared about five miles further away from him.  
  
'Tricky bastard. Think you can shake me, do you?'  
  
Angry that the Mission had made him, Duo forewent his plan to blend with the populace and phased out in the middle of the busy street, leaving behind people who looked bewildered and shocked.  
  
_The Talent is a mystery still. I use it daily and I still don't know what it is. Even the Second who is by far the most logical of us, can't seem to figure out where the power comes from. We all know how to release it, make it do what we want, but no one can say what kind of power it is. The scientists are working on quantifying it. I suppose they need something to do since trying to figure out what made us Talents was a busted experiment. I hear all kinds of theories, but not one of them sound right. I wonder if they come up with the right explanation I'll feel it in my guts or something. I laugh harshly, shaking my head at my thoughts. Somehow, I keep asking myself question that have no answers. Who are we, what is the Talent, who is the Mission. And one final question that I always ask myself, the question that never leaves me, why couldn't I come home just a little earlier to save Heero that day? I know the killer had murdered Heero shortly before I opened that door. I know, because the blood was still trickling down the walls and hadn't had a chance to congeal. Why couldn't I have just come home earlier? Why did I do things that day the way I did? My head knows that Heero's death is not my fault. My head can lay down thousand and one reasons why I couldn't have saved him. But when I sleep and dream, I blame myself. I watch as Heero is torn apart, unable to move or make a sound. Not my fault. Not my fault. But isn't it? I shake my head and grimace. I don't have time for unanswerable questions, not by far. I can feel the Mission moving about, most likely getting ready for their bimonthly attack. This time, it feels like they are going to come at us from South America. Not that it matters. We can defend any surface from any place. That's another thing I don't get. How can we use our Talent to protect places that are so far away? I don't even know what South America looks like, not really. I think I was there once or twice, hiding out with my Deathyscythe. But I don't know its geography, landscape or its finest export. Yet still, I can reach there with my Talent. It is not like the science fiction novels I've read at all, my Talent. All those authors who imagined humanity with greater powers had one thing in common. In the matter of defense, in phasing, in moving from one place to another using a power, the character was required to have knowledge of the place. As in, the authors built it in that knowledge was the basis for the power, that knowing where you are and where you are going were essential. Not to us. I can use my Talent without seeing, without moving, sometimes without waking up. It's practically independent from me. Oh hell, I don't know. Enough of my rambling. I have an earth to defend._  
  
The signature had reappeared in the suburbs and Duo found himself stalking his prey through manicured lawns and cookie cutter homes. There were no children out, they were all at school. Adults were working in the city or elsewhere and so it was eerily empty. Duo was grateful for that. He was berating himself for just phasing out where everyone could see him, but he had not wanted to lose his quarry by delaying. That sudden vanishing had kept him on alert as well as the sudden shift in locale. Had the Mission created a technology that could transport a person, much like his Talent could phase him? If that were the case, this chase would take longer than he would want. Calculating that possibility into account, Duo followed the fresh mental scent of the Mission. He was maybe four hundred yards behind and catching up fast. Since the Mission apparently knew that he was here, there was no need for subtlety. Just some stalking. Obvious stalking to draw out the Mission bastard into open space and then blast him to uneven pieces with the Talent. So far, it seemed to be working. Duo was getting closer and closer, practically on top of the Mission. But his eyes could not see anyone while his Talent fairly screamed that there was a Mission being within ten yards. Duo followed his Talent rather than his eyes; the Talent had yet to fail him while his eyes had seen better days. Nine yards. Seven. Three. Zero yards. Swiftly looking about, Duo saw that he was standing in front of a shrub in someone's yard. A shrub. He felt ridiculous, like he was a child playing hiding-go-seek. A shrub. What was the Mission thinking? Pressing down a stupid urge to pounce and say 'gotcha' to the Mission, Duo peered around the plant life. And there it was, the Mission. "Hiding behind bushes did me no good, but every earth mystery I've read has shown this method works." The unexpected gambit at conversation startled Duo. Not only had the Mission spoken, but it had addressed him in a way and admitted that the Mission had studied earth and its customs.  
  
"Can't hide from me. So, should I blast you here or do you have something else to say?"  
  
Sounding cocky and cold, Duo let the Mission ponder the choices. Suddenly, the Mission agent turned its head. Or rather, her head.  
  
"You can't kill me, First Talent Duo Maxwell."  
  
Duo did not even hear the words. His head refused to process any more information than what he saw with his eyes. It could not be. It should not be.  
  
"Hilde?"  
  
_The Seventh asked me today if I had ever lost anyone dear to my heart. She's a sweet girl, perhaps the most innocent of the Six, but even she can cross the lines of proper conduct sometimes. I think everyone knows that I lost the one most dear to me. Hell, haven't we all? The Second still mourns the death of his sister like I do Heero. Sure, he never cries or pounds his fists into the wall, but I can see it in his eyes. I can see it when he touches that small ring on his pinky finger. The ring that had belonged to his sister. The seven of us has all lost the dearest ones in our lives, either to the Mission or just to freak accidents. Or in my case, a gruesome, unforgivable act of murder. Anyway, I'm just sitting here, kind of shaken at the Seventh's question. That's right, I'm shaken. Why? Because the question made me think. I realized that when I remember others that I lost over the years, I don't feel their loss like I do Heero's. That's not really fair. Especially to one person in particular who loved me more than anyone else in her life. Hilde. I don't think about her at all most of the times, but this time I do. We met under unusual circumstances, but I think I met all of my friends like that. Hilde, at one point, had a gun pointed at my head and was against me. Come to think of it, I met many of my friends by pointing a gun at them or having them point one at me. But I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one who shot their true love twice. Can't beat that as a first date! Wait, I'm supposed to think about Hilde now. Give her some time in my mind. She disappeared well before Heero died. I think I broke her heart when I told her Heero was the love of my life and that although she and I would be best friends, we would never be lovers. Shortly after, she was gone. No goodbyes or anything. She just vanished. So I wonder where she could be. How she is. I can't find her with my Talent so most likely she's dead or something, but I am going to have hope. I've lost so many people already that I refuse to believe that she's lost to me, too. And you know what? It would have comforted me and calmed me if she had been there for me when Heero died. She was, I mean, she is my best friend. Still. Even if I don't think about her, even if I don't know where she is, I know that if she ever came around again, we could talk like we never parted. That's what best friends do, right? And so I sit still, thinking about the one person who I do not think about. Hilde. The dark haired, blue eyed pixie shadow of a best friend who deserted me over a heart break. The courageous, persistent soldier who defied all odds to bring us the information from Libra. My least thought about friend. The least dearest to my heart. And somehow, even now, the one person I miss the most besides Heero. I have to get to sleep I think. I'm not making any sense, even to me._  
  
The scene was frozen in time. The unnatural stillness was dominated by a pair of shocked and disbelieving violet eyes contending for dominance against a pair of cold, determined blue eyes. Neither heard the chirping birds or the distant noises of cars. They only saw each other.  
  
"Hilde. But it can't.. I mean.. how.."  
  
Duo was lost for words. He who never lost composure in front of others had been caught like a deer in headlights. If he could have, he would have gathered his thoughts and given the situation at hand an analytical and logical explanation. But he could not. All he saw was a girl who could not be a part of the Mission.  
  
"I am not Hilde. You mistake me, First Talent Duo Maxwell."  
  
The unreality of the situation worsened with that statement. Duo felt as if he was falling through an endless tunnel. The Hilde who was not Hilde. Nothing could have prepared him for this moment.  
  
"Not.. Hilde.."  
  
The words finally sank in and made sense. His shock subsided as he truly saw the being in front of him. Yes, it looked like Hilde, identical in every way. The fall of the hair, the gleaming eyes, the small scar on her chin. But it was not Hilde. No. The being in front of him looked like Hilde had just before she disappeared. The Mission agent looked like a girl from twenty years past.  
  
"The fuck? What the hell is going on?"  
  
The Mission agent shrank back at the cold rage in Duo's voice. She had never heard such a threatening and serious voice, not even from her legion commander. For twenty years against the earth, her legion commander had told her of the ferocious and frightening warrior named the First Talent. For twenty years, she had scoffed in the back of her mind, equating the lowly earthling leader with the black oil that greased her machines. But as she faced him, his darkened violet eyes flaring into hers, she truly understood why her whole race had been so afraid of this one man. She finally saw how the humans had won the war with this man at the forefront.  
  
"So you're not Hilde. Just a big, fucking coincidence that you look like her, is that it? Well, since you are no friend of mine, killing you should be just easy."  
  
Duo took a menacing step forward and smiled almost cruelly when the Mission agent took a step away from him. He opened up his Talent and felt the power pulsating just beneath his skin, waiting for him to strike. One thought and she would be gone.  
  
"Look, stop! You can't kill me! I have a mission that I cannot fail!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Duo growled, "I have a mission, too. Kill you. Whatever you're going to do is not going to be good for the earth. Not by a long shot."  
  
"Don't I get even a chance to stop the annihilation of my entire race?" she shouted desperately.  
  
"No. It's either your race or mine. I pick us."  
  
"Doesn't the name Heero Yuy mean anything to you?"  
  
Duo stopped cold in his steps. His eyes frosted and his frame shook from barely contained rage. The Mission agent imagined that one wrong step and she would die painfully and mercilessly.  
  
"What the hell do you know about Heero?"  
  
Duo's question, which had started in such a soft whisper of a sound, escalated into a full bodied shout by the end. His dead lover's name echoed in the unnamed suburbs, the rage and blinding pain coating every bounce of his hollowed out voice. Without warning, Duo lunged and grasped the Mission by her throat and squeezed, his powerful hands crushing into the larynx.  
  
"What do you know?" Duo said again as he banged her head into the pavement.  
  
"What do you know?" Duo said as he tightened his grip until her face turned a ghastly purple.  
  
"What." The Mission agent's head bounced against the concrete.  
  
"Do." Duo threw her almost limp body into a tree.  
  
"You." He picked her up with his Talent and began to shake her.  
  
"Know." He dropped her battered body onto the ground.  
  
With cold unfeeling eyes, Duo watched the Mission as she shakily got to her feet, leaning against the tree to maintain her fragile balance. She coughed once, then twice, spitting up what he assumed was blood. The thick liquid that came from her mouth was not red, not like his, not like a human's. It was a sickly yellow color, glistening and almost oily. It only affirmed that she was not Hilde and fueled his anger further.  
  
"What does your mission have to do with Heero?"  
  
His deadly tone demanded an answer. A truthful, complete answer.  
  
"We.." The Mission coughed again and held her throat in her hands.  
  
"Tell me or I kill you so slowly you'd beg for death."  
  
The Mission knew that he meant it, that it was not an idle threat. Desperately trying to make her throat work, she forced the coughing to stop.  
  
"Look, First Talent," she said softly in a scratchy voice, "I don't know why, but Heero Yuy is the one who can stop the destruction of my people."  
  
She paused and took a breath, scrunching her face in pain. Duo watched with confusion and distrust in his eyes, unwilling to believe what she would say next.  
  
"It is my mission to make sure Heero Yuy does not die."

 _I look up at the night sky, looking for the stars that Heero used to love. A long time ago, my love would stand in our backyard at night, just looking at the stars. His eyes reflected the myriad of stars in the sky and I could see the constellations in them. To me, Heero's eyes were the universe. Now, when I see the sky, I don't see Heero's eyes. Now, I see the countless blinking lights that belong to the Mission and the giant blob of amorphous light that is their fortress. The Mission even manages to ruin my memories. The dark cobalt blue with thousands upon thousands of tiny specks of light used to remind me of Heero's eyes. It used to remind me of how Heero would point out a cluster of stars and insist to me that they made a shape. I can still hear his annoyed laughter when I told him that no matter how hard I looked, the stupid Ursa Major looked like a giant pot instead of a great bear. But not when I look up at the sky these days. No more Heero, just the Mission. Not only did the Mission destroy my home, my planet and the peace I worked for so hard, it destroyed my precious memories of Heero. It intruded into things that remind me of my love. It makes me mad, so mad that I can feel the tears gather. Heero died once already. I lost his body, his touch and his corporeal form to a vicious killer. Now, I'm losing the memories of him, the most precious thing I have left, to a rude intruder. The Mission scattered in the night sky killed the universe that I saw in Heero's eyes. The Mission blew up every colony that Heero and I spent time on. Heero and my house, it's long gone from one of their blasts. My car that he gave to me, gone. Our pictures, our mementos, all gone. The Mission took all those things from me. The Mission is killing my Heero, as vicious a killer as the one who killed him all those years ago. Only this time, it's more insidious. This time, they're erasing him from me, taking away everything that reminds me of him. I hate the Mission. I hate every last one of them. Right now, I want nothing more than to kill them all with my bare hands. Or with my Talent, which I suppose is more rational. One day soon, when the Mission is gone, I want to look at the sky and see the universe in my lover's eyes again. I want to see the stars as they were meant to be. I don't want to let someone else kill Heero, not when I can stop them._  
  
The tension and mistrust in the air hung thickly, almost solid in its virulence. Duo stared at the Mission agent fixedly, his eyes never leaving her form in case she tried to run away. They had relocated from the suburbs to the woods about a mile from where they had met. There was more privacy and Duo wanted to be away from people and spectators. That stunt he had pulled earlier in the middle of the city had not been the smartest thing he had done. From now on, Duo was determined to fit in and not do stupid things to make him suspicious to others. It would only complicate his goals.  
  
"Before I kill you, I want to hear all about your mission."  
  
The answer came quickly, almost as if she had been waiting for him to broach the topic. Ever since she had blurted out her mission, the First Talent had become more interested in her than she had hoped. If talking about it would keep her alive to finish her mission, she would do so.  
  
"After you hear what my mission is about, you can't kill me. I was told that you had an attachment to Heero Yuy and you would never dream of interfering."  
  
"How were you so sure that it would be me who followed? It could have been one of the Six."  
  
The Mission considered that shortly, angling her head to look Duo into his eyes. She could still feel her fear, but at least now, it was tempered by hope.  
  
"We calculated the likelihood that it would be you. Twenty years in the past, before the time when Heero Yuy dies. Our time technicians told me that it would be you by eighty seven point six nine percent."  
  
"And just when did you plan all this time jumping crap?"  
  
"It was always our contingency plan if we lost."  
  
There was silence for a while as Duo contemplated his next question. The Mission agent sat still, not wanting to make any sudden movements. The First Talent would fry her at the first sign of trouble, whether or not he was curious about her mission. She had to stay alive.  
  
"Why is saving Heero so damned important to you?"  
  
The Mission hesitated. There was something behind the tone that made her throat dry with fear.  
  
"I.. I was never told exactly why," she said hurriedly when Duo's eyes darkened, "but it's imperative that he lives. He is the key to our survival."  
  
A mirthless laugh strangled itself out of Duo's throat, twisting his features into a grimace.  
  
"I see. Your mission is to save Heero. I see how fucking cruel the whole world is. If you save Heero, you save your race and humanity dies. So by some damned joke of fate, my mission has to be.. my mission is.. to kill you.. and.. and.."  
  
The Mission sat silently as the First Talent's eyes glistened with unshed moisture and a strange mocking emotion. She did not make a sound as he suddenly turned away from her and shouted.  
  
"I HAVE TO WATCH HIM DIE? Is that my fucking mission? To do nothing as Heero dies? Again?"  
  
Duo punched the tree nearest to him as hard as he could. He felt the scraping of the bark against his knuckles and the unsatisfying bit of pain that followed.  
  
"WHY? WHY? Finally, I have a chance to save Heero. Finally. And saving him is going to wipe out the earth? Are you telling me that my choices are watching my lover die or watching the world die? Is that it? IS THAT IT???"  
  
The Mission watched with wide eyes as Duo repeatedly punched the tree. The moisture fell from his eyes in streams and droplets, splattering onto the ground with every shake of his body. And for some strange reason, she felt pity for the destroyer of her people. She felt sorry for the person responsible for the end of her world.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Of all things, the Mission had not expected laughter from the First Talent at her innocent query. But she was hearing it, a full bellied laugh edged in bitterness and hysteria.  
  
"Okay? Am I okay? Can you even fathom how wrong that question is?"  
  
She looked on uncertainly as he stalked up to her in slow, agitated steps. His hands were fisted and bleeding, clenched so tightly that she could see every bone and vein under the thinly stretched skin. She said nothing as he grabbed her by her shoulders and yanked her to her feet roughly.  
  
"You are telling me that I have to choose between Heero and the world. How does that make anything okay?"  
  
Duo let go of the Mission agent and she slithered to the ground, her legs no longer able to support her weight. She stared at the ground beneath her, just listening to his hitched breathing. She was quite certain that any moment, she would die. She had to get away from him before he became too unstable and lashed out. Slowly, her hand inched towards the control panel on her right arm, towards the small button that would transport her from this spot. The destination was uncertain for this technology had not been perfected, but it would get her away far enough. Suddenly, a pair of hands latched onto her wrists and hauled her up, ruining her chances of escape. She could not fight the First Talent. She would die.  
  
"Are you going to kill me now."  
  
The Mission surprised herself with her calm and collected voice. It did not shake in fear or failure.  
  
"No. I'm not."  
  
Startled by his answer, the Mission jerked her head up and found herself staring into deep violet eyes. The hysteria was gone, replaced by an iron hard determination. When he spoke, his voice was deadly serious.  
  
"I'm going to choose Heero."  
  
There was no sigh of relief from the Mission, but Duo felt the tension leak out of her system. He would let her relax. He supposed it would do her or him no good if he divulged his plan. Yes, he was going to save Heero. More than that, he was going to decimate the Mission before they ever got to the earth. He would destroy the Mission with his Talent before they got the chance to enter the solar system.  
  
_The strong scent of cinnamon is tickling my nose, making me want to sneeze. Trowa gave me these incense cones, telling me that they would relax me if I lit one and just breathed the gentle scent. Well, gentle scent my ass! This smell is strong enough to wake the dead from six feet under. For the love of Christ, I know Trowa meant well, but this is stupid. So I walk to the little incense burner and pour some water into the tiny pot, watching as the little cone soak up the water and burn out. I'm quite sure that Quatre made Trowa give these to me. Quatre's been worried lately because I've been so tense. But then again, why wouldn't I be? It's the third week of our young stalemate and we have not been attacked once as of yet. And I and the Six had been so sure that as soon as the barrier went up around the earth, the Mission would have bombarded us with everything they had. But so far, nothing. So I've been tense, just anticipating an attack. Whoever it was that said anticipation killed had it right. After the smell of cinnamon dissipates, I paddle back to my comfortable chair and sit. I feel the barrier with my Talent to make sure there are no holes in it anywhere, just in case the Mission wants to send us a surprise gift. Defending the earth is tiring work, even for me. I get weary of it sometimes and have terrible thoughts about just letting the damn planet get blown up. But that won't do. Heero would never forgive me if I gave up like that. Heero would have gladly given his life to defend humanity. Hell, he tried so damn many times during the war. And isn't the irony just beautiful, that he survived war to die in peace. A poet, I am not. That was Heero. For a guy who never spoke more words than strictly necessary, he had a way with putting words on paper. He wrote me poetry sometimes, you know, just to tell me how he felt. And all those words, every day words, combined to form images that just can't be described by someone like me. I'm getting lost in my thoughts of Heero again. I do that a lot. For a while, all I had was vengeance. Before the Mission came, my mission in life was to find the evil bastard who killed Heero. But now that I have my hands full with the Mission, vengeance took a step back. I still think about finding the killer if he's still alive. I think about all the things I can do to him now with my Talent. I wonder if one day, I'll just step outside and run into the killer. Life is like that, throwing you sharp turns and corners. But I can't think about that now. I have to make sure the earth lives so that Heero won't be disappointed in me. Is that pathetic, that I defend the earth because of a dead man? He's my inspiration and my strength, even now. When he and I fought in our gundams together, we fought for peace, but also we fought for each other. We made sure that the other came back alive, no matter what. If I had died during the war, Heero would have carried on with his missions for me. So I carry on for him. But you know, if I could, I'd give up everything to be with him again. I would give up my power, my Talent, anything within my disposal. Anything and everything I am I'd give up in an instant to be with him again. But that's my selfish side talking. Selfish and stupidly delusional side. I'm just going to stop thinking about it and check on the barrier again. Maybe the Mission will attack soon and I can stop having dumb ass thoughts._  
  
The first day back in the past had passed and Duo found himself faced with three days to complete his mission. The first day had been filled with shocks and revelations, some of which he still could not accept fully. The night had been spent in vigil, Duo keeping an eye on the Mission in case she tried to get away from him and the Mission staring at Duo to make sure that he did not kill her in her sleep. It had been an uneasy night for the both of them, but neither felt the tiredness or the lack of sleep. The sun was barely up but the two enemies looked as alert as ever, constantly watching the other for sudden movements.  
  
"You."  
  
The Mission narrowed her eyes at his tone. The First Talent had sounded casual and her studies of the man had told her that he was the most dangerous when too casual.  
  
"What."  
  
A small smile crept its way across Duo's face before it disappeared. Her surly answer had been so reminiscent of Hilde. But this look alike wasn't Hilde. That thought brought up another round of questioning.  
  
"Why do you look like that?"  
  
The Mission gauged his emotionless face and considered carefully. After the near death beating yesterday at his hands, she did not want to say anything that could set him off.  
  
"This is the face and body of one of you humans we found. She was our first encounter."  
  
A deep sigh echoed in the quiet forest.  
  
"I swear, every time you speak, you have to surprise the living hell out of me. You'd think after yesterday, I would be done being surprised, but no. It keeps on coming."  
  
Noting that he sounded frustrated and mocking more than angry, the Mission continued, hoping that her story would at least make him want to let her go. She didn't think it was a big possibility, but the slim chance was there.  
  
"I had no idea that the human was called Hilde. We found her in one of your space mobiles more than twenty of your earth years ago, floating in our sector of space. We calculated that she fell through the small wormhole that exists between the fourth and the fifth planets of your solar system. She was no longer functioning when we found her, but she was the first. She was the one that led us to earth."  
  
Duo chewed on the information in his mind, mulling over each word and putting some things together. It made some sort of twisted sense.  
  
"She must have run away after she found out about me and Heero. She ran straight into death, because of me."  
  
There was no response to his voiced thought. The Mission agent watched as he rambled on, noticing that he dripped more moisture onto himself as he continued.  
  
"I can't save anyone dear to me. I can't even keep them alive. Hilde. Heero. Trowa. Wufei. All the people who ever mean anything to me.. dead. Because of me. Always back to me, isn't it."  
  
Duo could no longer speak. The evidence was damning, so alarmingly clear. He really must be Shinigami as he had purported. He sat and let his thoughts run wild, knowing that the Mission was watching, but not caring.  
  
"First Talent, I have no idea of what you speak, but the human we found, this person you think is Hilde, was the reason we sought out your planet. She alerted us to the presence of your system and your vulnerabilities. She is the one who gave us our imperative by showing us your weakness. It is she who began the war."  
  
"Yeah," Duo replied bitterly, "and it was me who sent her to you. I didn't only kill my friend. I almost killed the entire fucking planet. Some savior I am."  
  
"It is true. You are the center of everything. You are the key to all events. You are the one who should be eliminated, but that is not my mission."  
  
The deadpan voice of the Mission did nothing for Duo's inner turmoil and pain. It was true, then, that he was nothing but the harbinger of death. If anything, he should have been the target, the murder victim, the heart broken fool. But no, he was known as the savior, the survivor, the one who had it all.  
  
"It would be easier, don't you think, to eliminate me in the past before I developed the Talent. Isn't that the logical thing? To kill me?"  
  
"Do you not listen to anything I say, First Talent? I told you, we calculated that you would be sent after us into the past. I don't think you would have stood by idle while I killed your past self. But saving Heero Yuy, that is a goal you would not hinder. We counted on it and here we are. I'm not dead and you won't let Heero die. I would say our plan was perfect."  
  
Duo had no arguments for that. He had chosen Heero and he would not change his mind. But the revelations heaped upon him hurt. He had killed Hilde, if not with his hands, then with his words. He had driven her to outer space where she suffocated or starved to death and sent her straight into the curious and malicious arms of the Mission. He was at fault. Nothing could change that. Right now, at this moment in the past, the Mission was already on its way. Hilde was dead. But Heero still lived and he could save him and destroy the Mission. He smiled inwardly at his last hope, until the Mission agent spoke and destroyed his hopes.  
  
"Don't think you can destroy us before we come to your solar system, First Talent. We have calculated that possibility as well. And I will tell you one thing, you cannot hope to destroy us if you wish to save Heero Yuy."  
  
"Stop messing with me," Duo whispered furiously, "because I've had it. I can blow your kind off the universe before I save Heero. Or after. Whenever. I have all the time in the world to do it."  
  
"It's not time you should be concerned with, First Talent, but the twines of history."  
  
With that cryptic remark, the Mission agent stood and dusted off her clothes. Signaling to Duo with a slight tilt of her head, she walked off bravely at a measured pace towards the edge of the woods. She could only hope that the First Talent did not hear her sigh of relief when he followed her instead of blasting her into molecular pieces.  
  
_I think I'm going to die. At least, that's what my gut is telling me. It's not my lunch reasserting itself, nor is it the lecture I got from Relena about diplomacy earlier. No. It's me. I can feel every particle in my body screaming for release and hear my mind echo the sentiments. Do I want to die? I think so. Can I leave this world behind? I can safely say, yes. Am I ready? Maybe. One more thing to do. Yes, one more thing I have to do. Then I will die. Am I wondering if Heero's waiting for me on the other side? Yes. Do I know if he will receive me with love? I'm pretty sure he will. Will I die without regrets? No. I will die knowing I could have, should have._

The hot tea steamed and fogged the air with pleasant aromas. The smell was reminiscent of oranges and spices, a soothing and loving kind of smell. Lovely, even. But it did nothing for the thrumming tension in the tiny cubicle of a waiting room. In this prison like room filled with tiny chairs and tea sat two figures. Both wore identical frowns of worry and discomfort overlaid with frustration. Both sipped the tea at a slow pace, blowing the steam and the heat away with soft breaths. Neither wanted to speak first, but finally, the silence was breached.  
  
"It has been a week since Duo returned from the past and he still hasn't told us what happened."  
  
Relena nodded at Quatre's huffy comment but had nothing to add. When Duo had returned from his mission into the past, they had assumed everything had gone great. After all, the world was still here and the Mission was still extinct. From those evidences, they had guessed that Duo had killed that errant Mission agent and history had not been subverted for the good of the Mission. Yet, the look on Duo's face had been haunting and extraordinarily broken. It had not been the look of a victorious man. Ever since then, both Relena and Quatre had been anxiously waiting for Duo to tell them what had happened twenty years ago. More specifically, they wanted Duo to tell them of Heero, if anything had happened between the two of them.  
  
"It's clear from our memories and history that whatever Duo did in the past, Heero was not saved."  
  
"I know," Quatre replied in a concerned tone, "and that bothers me. Don't you think Duo would have done everything in his power to save Heero?"  
  
Relena considered for a moment.  
  
"I believe that, Quatre. But think about it. If he didn't save Heero from his death, why not? What happened that Duo did not save the one person he would have given his life for? What if.. what if Duo had to.. I mean, he knew Heero was going to die, so what if.."  
  
"If he just stood by?" Quatre said, not wanting Relena to suffer by voicing the rest of her thought. All he received was a timid nod and a pair of teary blue eyes filled with pain.  
  
"If Duo did not want to do anything to jeopardize the present, he just may have had to let Heero die."  
  
The silence fell over the two of them again and their teas cooled to drinkable temperatures. However, in the back of their minds, they both had to pity Duo for the hard choice he must have made.  
  
_The Mission chick who looks like Hilde has been talking non stop for the past few hours. Doesn't she run out of spit or whatever equivalent they have? At least she's rambling about stuff that I've been curious about for a while. She started talking when I tried to destroy her arm control panel, the one with all the funky buttons. I figured it out, you see, being the clever man that I am, that the arm panel was the thing responsible for somehow phasing the agent out. So I tried to fry it with my Talent when she started having this fit. God, I honestly had no idea that it would be such a bad thing! But she screamed and yelled, saying that if I destroyed that, I'd be killing her too. I wasn't too adverse to the idea, killing off the Mission chick, but I guess her looking like Hilde got to me more than I let it show. When I stopped firing at her with my Talent, she started talking. And boy am I getting an insight. According to her, the Mission is a fusion of machine and biological cells. Imagine that, being a part of a machine. Or the other way around. I mean, she is not a cyborg or anything, the fusion is too complete. They are born like that! She tells me that she was born as a machine with very little biological parts. And that Hilde shape was something she chose when her circuitry evolved enough for her to have a form. What a load of strange shit, don't you think? Anyway, I'm stuck in some odd sci-fi story, I think. Machines and cell stuff and all. I think the scientists would have found it more interesting than I do since I don't quite understand everything she's talking about. She keeps rambling about the exact matrices alignment and stuff. Like I know. So she tells me all these things only to get to a very simple point. Kill the control panel, kill her. I guess that control panel is like her heart or something. I told her that the phasing thing she did the day before did not sit well with me and that was why I was about to blow her circuits, and she promised up and down that she would not try it again. Apparently, it's rather risky anyway. A not so perfect technological advancement. I don't know if I take her promise seriously, but hey, if she does get away, I can find her easily enough. Now that I know finding Mission technology is basically finding the person. While I ponder my hunting tactics, she tells me something that makes me nauseous. I remember all those tens of thousands of ships I wiped out with my thought. I supposed that some of them had pilots in them, but mostly I thought that those ships were like mobile dolls, machines without humanity. But she says I'm wrong. She says, every ship was a being like her, sentient, intelligent, emotional. Yes, she is telling me that every one of those ships was alive. I don't know why I'm nauseous, but I am. Tens of thousands. Or more. Who was counting? And the entire fortress. So far, I considered how to save humanity. I don't think I ever considered what I was doing as a massive act of genocide. But you know, as I think of it, hear it from her, it was. Nevermind that the Mission would have killed every last human had they the chance. One act of genocide to subvert another act of genocide.. that does not seem right at all. I have to face the ugliness. The Mission, they had personalities, friends, hell, even family as twisted as their concept of family is. And I killed every single one of them off, except for this one that looks like Hilde. Except for this one chick who is talking to me, gesturing with her arms and crying oily tears. Can I feel any worse? Possibly. I believe I will feel worse if I can't think of some way to save Heero and the earth at the same time. I can't stand to watch him die. I can't let the earth be obliterated. What will I choose? I don't know yet. I already committed one horrendous act to save humanity. Can I commit another one, one closer to the heart? Can I really watch my lover die and not lift a finger? I have no answers, but I do have one thing to say. Life, as it has been so far, fucking sucks._  
  
The tea had run dry long ago, but Quatre and Relena could not find it in themselves to intrude into Duo's private office. They had knocked many times, pleading with him to open the door and talk to them, but all the efforts had not borne fruit. Duo was still silent and unseen behind the door and the only reason that they knew he was still alive in there was due to the monitoring of his life systems done by the Six constantly. It was not just them and the Six who were worried about Duo's sudden lack of liveliness and responses. It seemed that the whole compound was aware of his depression.  
  
"He still won't talk. If he wants to relieve the pain, he should at least talk about it."  
  
Quatre understood Relena's frustration. They were hurting for Duo, knowing that something awful had happened in the past. Both could guess that it was Heero's death that bothered him. For a time before the Mission came and after Heero's death, Duo had been driven nearly insane by his lover's death. But twenty years later, after the passing of time and the busy war with the Mission, they had figured that Duo was finally somewhat over the death of Heero. But when he went back into the past, he must have encountered Heero and not been able to save him. The thought made them want to break into tears in anguish, but they could not do so, yet. First, they had to heal Duo, somehow get him to open up the festering wound in his heart and purge the darkness.  
  
"Duo," began Quatre, speaking through the thick wood door, "I know something happened that made you hurt. Please, please talk to me. Oh hell, talk to anyone. Just don't shut us all out and suffer alone. Please. Duo?"  
  
As usual, there was no response. They did hear a slight shuffle indicating that he had moved, but the door did not open.  
  
"How long can he do this to himself?"  
  
"I don't know, Relena. I don't know. But if he doesn't let go of the pain soon.."  
  
There was nothing more to say after that.  
  
_I finally figured it out. The circle of time, the history, whatever it is called, I have figured it out. And I don't like the newfound knowledge at all. In fact, I hate it. I don't think I can fully face it just yet. The revelation hit me like a ton of bricks a couple of hours ago while I sat and watched the moon rise over the city. The Mission chick and I are in the city where Heero used to work and I have two days left until Heero dies. So I was pondering my plan, about what the hell she meant when she told me saving Heero meant saving the Mission and all that crap. Thinking brings about answers and truths. Usually, they are supposed to be good for you, but this time, they are just impediments to what I want. Why? Because I finally figured it out. Why I can't destroy the mission and save Heero. I know now. See, I searched the space around earth as far as my Talent would go and found no traces of the Mission. The chick was right, they were nowhere near here at this time. So I had this grandiose plan to save Heero and wait around for the Mission to come so that I could kill them off before they could blow up the colonies and everything else. But now that I know what I know, that plan isn't possible. What do I know? What did all my thinking reveal? What is my great revelation? That Heero was my trigger. He was the reason I developed the Talent. His death was the release of the power. I'm a fool. The answer had been there all along, but I never put it together. Neither did anyone else, but that's no consolation to me. I remembered how sick I was after Heero died, the fevers, the painful wracking of my body. I remembered that goddamned water that mysteriously moved to me. I finally put it all together. Heero's death gave me the Talent. And if Heero does not die, then I will never have the Talent. And so I will cease to have my powers when the Mission finally did come. And my past self would not be able to fend them off either. It's a terrible dilemma, don't you see? Heero's death is necessary to save the world. He needs to be the sacrifice so that others can live. I finally figured it out and I hate it. Why did it have to be this way? Why are my only choices between my love and my world? Is it too much to ask that I have both? Must I sacrifice one to have the other? I know the answer, I do. No wonder the Mission wanted to save Heero. They wanted me powerless. They wanted to take me out of the equation. And they gambled that I would sacrifice the world to save Heero. And you know, I think it was a good bet. I want to save Heero. I want him to live. I don't want to walk into the house and see walls flowing with his blood. I don't want to cry. I don't want to smell the blood anymore. I don't want to feel that clutching in my heart. I don't want Heero to die. I want to be selfish for once. But I know Heero would hate me for it. My Heero would have sacrificed himself for the world. He would choose death. I know what he would say, what he would do. But I'm not him! I'm not noble, I'm not heroic. I'm just Duo Maxwell who wants to save his lover. Sacrifice the world for him. Let everything become nothing. I want to. But I won't. I can't. Heero still directs me and he tells me that I can't let my selfish heart destroy the earth. He asks me to sacrifice him for the greater good. My Heero, my perfect soldier. And me, the god of death. Didn't I tell you I finally figured it out? I know my two choices. I know which one I want to choose. But in the end, I know which one I must choose. Can you forgive me Heero? Can you forgive me for standing by? Can I forgive me for letting you die again?_  
  
The door finally opened and a figure stepped out. Suppressing a sigh of relief, Relena walked over to Duo who stood still by the door frame with his head hung low. He looked terrible – his braid was unkempt, his clothes were wrinkled and he smelled as if he had not taken a shower for months. But none of that mattered because he had finally released himself from his seclusion.  
  
"Duo! Are you alright? Can I do anything?"  
  
The worry and concern came through clearly in Relena's rushed greeting, but Duo did not take notice. His eyes vacantly stared at the carpet, not responding to anyone around him. He let Relena take him by his hand and lead him to sit on a small chair. He did not do anything as she paged Quatre and mumbled a relieved yet worried message. He said nothing to Relena when she plied him with questions. He did not look up when Quatre entered the small space, anxiety written all over his haggard face.  
  
"Quatre! Thank god you're here. He came out, but he's not here. Look at him! His eyes.. they are empty. Do something, Quatre!"  
  
On the verge of tears, Relena launched herself into Quatre's arms, seeking solace that Duo could not provide. Arms tightened around her, pouring reassurance and support into her shaking frame. She buried her head deeper into Quatre's chest and missed the glistening tears in his aqua eyes.  
  
"Don't worry, Relena. It's going to be okay. I promise, so pull yourself together."  
  
Relena noticed the tremor in Quatre's voice and felt immediately guilty. She was not the only one who needed support.  
  
"I'm sorry, Quatre. It's just that.. only if he would say something. I just want him to look at us."  
  
"He will when he is ready. He came out of the room, so it's only bound to get better."  
  
Untangling herself from Quatre, Relena walked over to Duo and kneeled before him. She put her head on his knees and held onto his legs tightly, almost as if she was afraid that he would disappear.  
  
"Come back to us, Duo."  
  
There was no response.  
  
_I'm all alone. There is no one here but me. In a fit of logic, I killed the Mission agent not a minute ago. Where she stood before me is nothing but a smoldering heap of dust. I have extinguished the last of the Mission, my genocide is complete. Stupidly, I feel immeasurably guilty. Part of it is because she looked like Hilde. It's irrational since I know the story behind her appearance and all, but I still feel like I killed my friend. More than that, I got to know the Mission chick. She talked to me and I talked to her. I found out about her and god help me, even got to like her a little. She was spunky, gutsy and kind of reckless. I mean, knowing who I was and what my mission was, she still managed to keep her cool and her life for two days longer than she should have. And she showed me a side to the enemy that I could empathize with. I saw that she loved her machine linked family, that she cared about those around her. She felt the pain of loss as sharply as I do and she just wanted to save her world, just like me. But in this game of war, there could only be one survivor. And I had to make sure that it was me. Just before I blasted her with my Talent, I think she saw in my eyes what I was going to do. In that split second, I think she saw what my decision was. I hope she understood why I had to choose the way I did. She would have done anything, even save a lowly human being who had nothing to offer her, to save her world. I'm offering Heero at the altar to save my world. We weren't that different, the Hilde look-alike and I. But there is no time to worry about her. She's dead. I just killed her. I killed her so that she would not hinder my awful plan to watch Heero die. I know that if I had kept her alive, I would have been tempted beyond measure to try to save Heero with her. My heart would have made the choice that my brain could not. So I killed her to save the world. What's one more dead next to all the others? What is she to me when I have to watch Heero die? Nothing, right? Not a goddamned thing! God, is there only one and a half more days before.. yeah. I know exactly when I will arrive at the house to find the body. All I have to do is let it happen. I just have to go home now. My mission to kill her is done. I should go home. I can't though. I can't. I never got to say goodbye to Heero. I never told him one last time how much I love him. I can't save him, but I can say goodbye to him. One last time, I can see him._  
  
Duo sat sandwiched between Relena and Quatre. His hands were taken by his worried friends, squeezed gently and rubbed softly. He could hear them speak to him, saying words that were meant to be supportive and caring, but he could not respond. His body and soul were still in deep shock, unable to process what had occurred in the past. He could still see everything that happened in his mind's eye, like a slow moving picture show. It hurt unbearably, but he played the scene over and over in his mind, punishing himself for his choice.  
  
"I can't win."  
  
It was whispered, almost too softly said to be heard, but Quatre and Relena's attentive ears picked up the smothered sound. Grasping onto Duo harder, both leaned in and searched his face. His eyes were still blank, but they were filled with tears. He was not back to them yet, but he was coming around.  
  
"Duo, what do you mean?"  
  
The quiet question spoken by Relena penetrated the deep haze of Duo's mind. He heard his friend clearly for the first time since his return.  
  
"It always wins, don't you see? Always. I can't fight it. I can't do anything against it. It won. I never had a chance."  
  
"What is 'it' that you're talking about?" Quatre asked.  
  
"History. Time. Fate."  
  
_My past self will arrive at the house in less than three hours. In fact, I will be opening that door to find Heero dead in two hours, forty three minutes and eighteen seconds. Seventeen seconds. So on. I'm cloaked in my Talent, invisible to the eye and to the mind, standing by the lamp in our living room. This is our house, my and Heero's house. The lamp beside me was a gift from Wufei, a housewarming present. The curtains that I chose are still up, minus the blood stains. Yellow and peach, so feminine but somehow fitting. The couches are immaculate, recently vacuumed and the pillows fluffed to the fluffiest. I stand here, invisible, as I watch Heero putter around the house. My lover came home early as he had promised me all those years ago to wait my arrival. My mind is overwhelmed as I watch him clean little specks of dust off the coffee table, as he lights a few candles to fill the house with the vanilla scent I always loved. His tie is loosened around his neck, hanging haphazardly from his white collar. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing off his forearms. His hair is mussed as usual, the dark brown mess falling into his cobalt blue eyes. I can't take my eyes off of him. Twenty years. Twenty years of not seeing him and finally, here I am. I can smell the scent that is uniquely Heero, something that I had forgotten because of the blood. I don't smell his blood here, just him, alive and well, smiling a little and humming a tune. My lover is waiting for me to come home and I'm on the road waiting to see him. I know how it will end, how it must end, but for the small remaining time, I want to see my lover. And the killer. I don't know how I will control myself when Heero is getting murdered before my eyes, but I have to. I have to let him die. But I will see who the killer is and wreak my vengeance upon him, the kind of terror that the Mission could only have had nightmares about. But more than the vengeance, more than saving the world, I want to say goodbye. But how will I do that? Do I just appear before Heero and tell him that I'm from the future and I came to say goodbye and watch him die? I don't know. I'm at a loss. I have to act soon! I don't have much time left. Two hours, thirty two minutes and thirty three seconds. Tick tock tick tock._  
  
"I could not defy history. I could not let Heero down."  
  
_The look on Heero's face was a mix of surprise and terror. I can't blame him since I just materialized before him without warning. He stares at me with those wonderful eyes, the eyes that hold the light to my universe. Somehow, the terror recedes and he recognizes me. Twenty years older in body, centuries older in spirit, but my lover knows me. His lips move uttering my name and I'm lost. I kneel before him and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging his body close to mine. I missed him so. Underneath my cheek, I can feel his stomach muscles clench and relax. His fingers run through my hair and he whispers to me gently. I don't know what he says, it doesn't matter. Finally, he's once again with me and I am holding him. One last time to tell him good bye. But I don't say goodbye. Instead of telling my lover of his death, I spill out the story of me. I tell him what happens in the future, what I become, what I did to save the earth. I tell him that and so much more, about my feelings, how much I miss him. How much I love him. Time is running out. My past self will come home in fifty one minutes and twelve seconds. The killer should arrive in about forty minutes or so. I have forty minutes to tell him everything, but even my Talent cannot expand time. I can't possibly tell him about the depth of my loss, the true nature of the future that awaits me. And I wonder, how can I tell him that he will be dead in less than an hour while I watch? I can't do that. I can't be that cruel. So I will hold him as I am now, with his fingers running through my hair and his voice telling me that everything will be okay. Nothing will be okay, but only I know that. He doesn't need to know what will happen momentarily._  
  
"I did my duty. I completed my mission. So it has been written."  
  
_/Only a few more minutes before I have to let go. I speak quickly and ask his forgiveness and during that rambling attempt at achieving my redemption, I blurt out his death. His eyes widen slightly as he processes the information and I know I blew it. With him looking at me like that, how can I possibly let him die? I won't and I tell him. I tell him that I will save him from the killer who will arrive soon. I don't give a damn what happens to the earth, not while he's looking at me with those eyes. Not when I have his tangible body beneath my fingers, alive and warm. Maybe it was a mistake to see him again. So what. Despite my choice, I can't let him go. Not even for the world. Then I hear his words and they penetrate my desperate thoughts. He is telling me that it is fine. That I will be fine, that the world will be fine. In his quiet voice filled with strength and determination, my lover tells me that he will gladly die if it means the earth will live. No matter how horrible the death, he says, he will sacrifice himself. I try to convince him that there are other ways to do this, that we can change history for the better. I try to convince him of things that I could not convince myself of only a few hours ago. If Heero believes, maybe I will believe and maybe.. Just maybe, we could find another way. I hold onto my thin line of hope and wait for him to agree with me. I wait for him to tell me that he wants to live. And so Heero says to my waiting face that he would give anything to live with me into the long, quiet future. But we can't. He knows this and I know this. We both know he has to die now. I'm unwilling to let him go while he is readying himself for the inevitable slash of fate. As always, it is Heero who is stronger in conviction than I am. I can't go against Heero no matter what, not when he is like this. I cannot even deny him death. The choice I made is the choice he made. We're of one mind. I hold onto him tighter, wanting to get closer to him. One last time. I open up my Talent and envelop the two of us in a tight shell, melding our minds together for our last communion. Words are not needed now. At this moment, I can feel Heero's love for me, his great sorrow at leaving me, his determination to save the earth, his forgiveness. I am redeemed in his eyes already. All I have to do is leave and let the killer come._  
  
"What fate commanded, I did. What time intended, I was. It's over."  
  
_I hug my lover for the last time and bundle him tighter within the folds of my Talent. I spare a little bit of my Talent to stretch out beyond us, to search for the killer. I will know what he looks like for he will not live long after he destroys my heart. Vengeance will have to be my consolation for not saving Heero. But I sense nothing. I feel nothing. Only me and Heero, holding onto each other, waiting for the end. And then.. I reel. A realization. An epiphany. A truth. I stand and look into Heero's eyes directly. I can see it all, the swirling emotions and feelings that were the center of my universe. My cobalt blue universe. And wrapped in my Talent, I can see who the killer is. I can see the reflection of the vicious bastard who killed my Heero. I see me._  
  
"One more thing."  
  
_I can still recall the precise pattern of the blood on the walls. How little of Heero was left. How everything was so.. horrifying in its completeness. And now I know why, I know how. I know who. Time and history, they don't really cut me much slack, do they? At first, they give me hope by hinting that I can save my lover. Then they make me choose between him and the world. Then they force me to wait for him to die while I hold him in my arms. Then, as the final clincher, time and history have conspired to make sure that the one who kills Heero Yuy is Duo Maxwell. How do I know? It's a feeling in my gut. It's the truth illuminated by my foresight. It is the event that my Talent shows me in its infinite wisdom and cruelty. Wrapped in my Talent and Heero, my Talent finally gives way to look into the momentary future and I see me. I see the killer. I see me. The Killer. Me. It was always me. And Heero knows. He is still connected with me by my Talent. He can see my thoughts, feel my emotions. How can I kill him? It was enough that I had to decide to watch Heero die, but to kill him with my own two hands? Who am I kidding? NO! I WON'T DO THIS!_  
  
"One more thing, then I'm done with this world."  
  
_Heero must have heard me denying history in the making because he touches my face gently. I can feel his thoughts swimming in my head and I already know what he will say to me. He is telling me to do it. To kill him. For the good of humanity. I can feel how calm he is, but at the same time, how ultimately sad he is to make me do this. There is no choice but to set the future on its course. If Heero lives, the Mission will win. And if that happens, we all die. Even Heero. He tells me there is nothing to forgive for this will hurt me more than him. He tells me he loves me. He tells me goodbye. So I hold on tight and immerse my body into his, feeling his heart beat next to mine. I fold my molecules around his, letting my Talent surround our bodies as we literally become one. For a small amount of time, for a split second, his body and mine are one, melded perfectly together, his cells and mine sharing the same space and time. We are one. Then I coalesce and Heero.. Heero.. Blood. Everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, on the pretty curtains. I stand numb, not realizing the full import of what I have done. I stand until I hear the car come up the driveway and I see myself stalk quietly towards the door. My past self is looking forward to seeing our lover. My past self is thinking about our lover and smiling. My past self will not know what he will do until now. There is nothing I can do to prevent anything. All I have done is repeat the past with my own hands. I created the world that I so cursed. I created the world without Heero. I have nothing left here in the past now. I phase out of the past as the doorknob turns, leaving behind my crime and my eventual future._  
  
"One more thing and I will die."  
  
Quatre and Relena looked at Duo with horror written in their eyes. Their best friend, the First Talent, the backbone of their society , was talking about his own death.  
  
"No, Duo! You can't.. Suicide is not an option!"  
  
"It's not suicide, Relena. Fate will take me when I'm done with my one last duty."  
  
"And that is?"  
  
"To live. To fulfill Heero's dreams of a peaceful world."  
  
_History repeats itself, despite our best intentions and efforts. It rolls over us like a tidal wave, unerring and inexplicable, forever repeating, forever looping. I could not escape it, I could not defy it. All I can do is live with it and suffer. Smell the blood forever. Find no solace. I will live. This is my vengeance to the killer. This is my repentance to Heero. May I live forever._


End file.
